What do astronauts do when they mess up?
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
I switched the I and O keys on my brother's laptop to confuse him and mess his typing up.
I know, I know, I'm a horrible person, but my brother would say I'm a hirroble persin.
What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?
A wrecked aisle dysfunction.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
I recommend you try cooking mushrooms, they're really hard to mess up
There isn't mushroom for error
I hate spelling. You mess up just 2 letters, and your word is urined.
My eating utensils were forged from Valerian steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
When you mess up a coded message and have to send it again
For you IT Nerds: If you mess something up in SQL Management Studio, it will be alright...
you can just wait for the SQL.
When you mess up in life, don't belittle yourself.
I work in a hospital. It's pretty great because if you mess up people are really chill about it, and they let you try again. It's really a good environment because...
We'd be a really shitty hospital if we didn't have any patience.
What do say when you mess up a steak?
When quarantine messes up your plans...
Did you here about the doctor who messed up the circumcision?
My family tree is so messed up.
Yesterday I looked for it again and saw four dogs using it.
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
What did the Captain of the Evergreen Cargo ship say when he realised he'd messed up?
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
When the optician messed up my appointment...
I didn't look at her the same way again.
What does the Mandalorian use to clean up Baby Yoda's messes?
He uses Bounty [a paper towel brand in the US]
I'm very proud--my teenage son just came up with this one, though I see a few variations when searching through past dad jokes.
What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?
You've made a grave mistake...
When quarantine messes up your plans...
Restaurant messed up and gave me a garden salad instead of a Caesar salad. When I complained my little girl said,
“Dad, any salad can be a Caesar salad. You just have to stab it enough times”.
If someone messes up a taxidermy job
Is it still considered a stuff up?
I messed up while making a pie
Don’t worry, it was never supposed to be a piece of cake.
The smurf really messed up I guess you could say
An amateur messed up making cheese. He had no whey to fix it.
When a baker messes up a recipe
He'll whisk everything to make it right again.
Today I messed up and bought an entire cupboard of beef stock.
But hey, at least I’m now a boullionnaire
This one note keeps messing me up though
Why are there Dad jokes, but not mom Jokes?
Because women aren't funny.
(coming from a woman, sorry if this isn't funny. I like messed up humor)
A dominatrix messed up and got one client’s request with another
[OC]Got a friend who is an idiot when messed up on opioids...
So 3 roads walked into a bar
A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"
Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"
Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"
As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"
The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"
"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
What does a depressed interior designer say when he messed up his work?
TIFU by messing up a customer's sandwich order at Subway
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
My Dad really messed up his wrists dragging his car from England to France.
He got car-pull-tunnel syndrome.
Archaeologists have recently found evidence of an ancient civilization that worshipped broken kitchenware.
They're calling it mess-up-a-pot-amaia.
I messed up while playing cards and played a single J instead of waiting to play a 9 10 J.
I wasn’t thinking straight.
(Explanation)
In cards a string of numbers in a row is called a “straight” and so by not thinking straight, I am both being confused and making poor decisions, and am also not thinking about the card combination of the same name.
So I messed up my chemistry lab the other day and had way to much O2 as a byproduct
But to be honest, it was a breath of fresh air.
What did the Frenchman say when he messed up his pancakes?
I recently became sick, so all of my senses are messed up and food tastes different than it used to
I guess my taste buds are now just taste acquaintances
What's it called when a butcher messes up?
So my dog messed up and I told him to give himself a round of applause...
and then I thought, "well for you, it'd be a round of a-paws"
My father was a juggler who messed up on opening night of the circus
He ruined months of in-tents training
My wife said she thinks her back is messed up cause it's hurting.
I told her to sleep on it and let me know.
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
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