Messed Up Kids Puns

... After we cleaned the mess, because he thought it was party time not dinner time, my wife was sitting, defeated, on the couch lamenting having a rowdy toddler. She was listing all the things that could be different if he was calmer (the kid is always full-throttle and smart as fuck, I love it but it's a lot to handle) including not stinking like soup. I look into her eyes, hold her hands in mine, lift her chin up and said:

"Baby, I love you. You smell super."

In unrelated news, sleeping on the couch is better than advertised.

(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)

Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:

"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"

Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.

When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.

My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?

Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.

This conversation happened between my parents after my dad took me for a driving lesson many years ago.

Mom: So how did he do?

Dad: He was actually doing pretty well until he hit that cat...

Mom: Oh no! He hit a cat?

Dad: Well, actually, the cat was okay. The kid that was holding it got pretty messed up, though.

Not going to lie, I used that one at school the next day.

Edit: I can never get the formatting right on the first try...

Kid: "What's that disease called, the one that makes your spine all curved?"

Mom: "That's Scoliosis. It can also mess up your ribcage and shoulders."

Me: "The people who discovered Scoliosis actually had it themselves. It was a husband and wife team. I think their last name was Dover...

Kids: staring intensifies

Me: "... Ben Dover, and his wife Ilene Dover."