My broken down car is haunted by the ghost of a mechanic...
He told me he really wants a pay rise but his supervisor can't review his performance without a working car-boo-rator.
What's a frog's favourite type of mechanical fastener?
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?
I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.
He said he was just vixen my car.
I really like what mechanics wear...
I had a mechanic fix up my lunch
but he didn't know how to tuna salad
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?
Why did the fish drive to the mechanic
What does a mechanical frog say?
Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?
What do mechanical engineers gift their loved ones?
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?
They never check under the hood.
What do you call a Turkish mechanic?
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
Dad: in Iraq, i killed 15 people
Son: but you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad: I never said I was a good one....
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye
The doctors called it eyeLEDs
When asked what a drawbridge is, I always shrug.
I think it's a defence mechanism.
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
The first animal to be mechanically milked must've been pumped.
I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”
He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
What is a mechanic's wet dream
A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father
is this a dad joke?
No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.
Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
Part of me thinks cognitive dissonance can be a useful coping mechanism
... but another part of me disagrees.
My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling
So far, I find it very boring
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's a**?
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
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