Yeah, she's a ma-Seuss!
Hopefully an OC Joke, open to any rephrasing!
Masszeus.
she said "but I knead you!"
Because he was also a neck-romancer.
Me: Do you think they work?
Her: I'm not sure.
Me: I don't think their fingers are strong enough.
My wife is pregnant and one of the big things to prepare for labor and birth is relaxation and massage. She's always saying "rub me, please", or "do you want to rub me?"
I'll always tell her "I do rub you, I rub you a rot."
A Massageonist.
Courtesy of my girlfriend
It seems she rubbed people the wrong way
Cairopractor
The whiteboard.
She rubbed me the wrong way.
Because he wanted a mobile phone
I can see how he was rubbing people the wrong way.
A calmer chameleon
I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.
A Green Bay Pecker.
Good night and don't forget to tip your server.
...but you’d be really surprised by how many strangers don't want their shoulders massaged while in line at the grocery store.
He’ll massage it down to 4 games.
She found a massage in a bottle.
I replied nope, that happened the day he was born!
"Hi deer I'm on my way home soon; I feel like a million bucks. "
His wife replies "oh yes I'm very fawn'd of that place, they make me feel young again."
My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!
- I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
- I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
- I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
- I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
- I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
- I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
- I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
- I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
- I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
- I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
- I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
- I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
- I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
- I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
- I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
- I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
- I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
- I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
- I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
- I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
- I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
- I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
- I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
- I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
- I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
- I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
- I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
- I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
- I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
- I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
- I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
- I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit
My friends told me it was quite the feet!
- I am a runner who just ran the 2022 LA Marathon barefoot. My buddy just hit me with this joke with no set up at all…
It was very half-assed
I said, "Three, but don't tell my wife."
I like the text massages
Now I have to keep looking over my shoulder.
All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook; I’ve got to clean. It’s tough.
But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded
My cat kneads me!
A massagynist
I was deeply touched.
A massagynist
Much kneaded.
They charge you a lot
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
...Since she can't look sideways anyways...
Its rubbing people the wrong way.
I rubbed one of my clients up the wrong way.
She just rubs me the wrong way.
I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way
