Mars 3 Puns

Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.

Mars is left feeling cold.

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

What do u call a singer that denies the existence of Mars? Bruhno mars

... but Mars Bars and Milky Way are out of this world!

(Not a great joke, but I've found its good for a few Snickers)

Mars bar.

Did you know there used to be life on Mars? Yeah, there used to be a giant cat that lived up there. Guess which rover we sent to greet it?

Neighhhhh-mar

I offered her a Mars Bar, then a Yorkie and finally a Bounty, but she kept saying NO!

I think she was holding out for an Aero...

There is life on Mars.

Because Deimos and Phobos are Mars’s moons. Phobos means Fear and you can guess what Deimos means

I told her I'm glad the rover is not going to Uranus.

Wesbite for those interested in sending their name to Mars and not Uranus

A couple is talking about the one celebrity they wish they could marry. The GF says, "I would so marry Tom Hiddleston!". She continues to speak as she guesses that her BF would've wanted to get married to Scarlett Johansson, but he corrects her and says he'd Mar(r)y Elizabeth (W)instead!

Mars steaks come in a little meteor.....

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

Bruno Mars

It was a little rusty.

(Most of the rock on Mars has iron in it, and it's oxidized over the millenia, so it's rusty, which is why it's red.)

Dinner guest: So last night I was watching a PBS documentary on Mars.

Father and Son simultaneously: Wow! How did you get back? (fist bump)

Can you guys come up with toilet-based puns for musicians/band names? Like Poo Fighters, Turdy Seconds from Mars, sTool, Pee Diddy, Our Lady Piss, Fart Minor, Michael Pooplé. That's all I have for now :D

"The Mars Bar."

This was a legit quote from Musk at South by Southwest. He followed it by saying "I love dad jokes"

Curiosity Rover carries Obama's signature to Mars:

http://i.imgur.com/afpXW8Z.jpg

The earth is doomed, women should go back to Venus, men to Mars, and us gays will go deep into Uranus

Dad: Did you know there is actually a planet that we know of that is solely inhabited robots?

Me: What are you talking about?

Dad: Mars

Me: .......

The new rover Curiosity discovered life on Mars tonight. A small group of creatures resembling cats was discovered unfortunately, the rover came down directly on top of the colony killing them. Even millions of miles away, Curiosity kills the cats.

Up high!

Down low!

(No, I am not too slow, come on dad, oldest trick in the book!)

In space!

(No, I will not get it "in the face"! Geez, dad.)

On Mars!

(Where is he going with this?)

On Jupiter!

(He wouldn't.)

On Uranus!

(He did.)

... she asked me, "are any hot?"

I said, "Yes, Mercury and Venus are hot because they are so close to the sun."

She asked, "Are any cold?"

"Yes, the ones outside our orbit are cold. Mars, Jupiter and so on."

"What color are they?", she asked...

"Well, the Earth is blue and green, Mars is red because of iron, Jupiter has a cool red spot..."

"What color is Uranus?"

.... .... ....

"It's brown, and very windy."

I got some fish and chips and a deep fried mars bar with my girlfriend and afterwards she was critiquing the deep fried mars bar.

Girlfriend: It was pretty good, but the batter was too thick. There was too much before you got to the melted mars bar

Me: So...you're saying that it could have been batter?

I didn't look at her, but I could tell she was glaring at me

it's called "Bruno Mars Bar"

A friend an I were driving home when I noticed two bright stars in the sky I knew to be planets.

Me: "Do you know what planets those are?"

Him: "I don't know... Mars and Venus?".

Me: "I'm pretty sure they're Venus and Jupiter"

Him: "Yeah, I had no idea. I just pulled two planet names out of my..."

Me: "Uranus?"

Girlfriends Dad to wife : honey we need to take your car charger to the Del Mar races

Wife: why, don't you have one ?

GFD: yeah , but didn't you buy yours in San Diego?

Wife: yeah?

GFD: Then we have to take it, it's a San Diego Charger !

I'm the only one that got it and laughed !

My dad posted a picture on Facebook, which was just the following text:

> "Save the Earth, it's the only planet with chocolate!"

My friend's dad comments:

>"What about Mars?"

Why do Mars rocks taste better than Earth rocks?

Because they're a little meteor.

housemate 1. : "I'd love a beagle"

me: "what the space probe?"

Housemate 2. : "sigh* shut up...are they difficult to manage?"

me: "i'd expect so, it took half of NASA to put it on mars"

the response was furrowed brow's and giggles.

In Mary Roaches book, Packing for Mars, she asked a Cosmonaut (Who general spend longer periods of time in space than astronauts) How do you deal with not having sex for long periods of time.

"Married couples ask me this all the time! They say; 'Sasha, how do you make sex in space?'

And I tell them 'By hand of course!'"

Daughter and I were sitting in McDonald's and "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars comes on.

I said "This song is kind of weird."

She said "Why do you say that?"

I said "It sounds like it's from Mars."

She brightens, thinking she's got me: "It IS fr-- Oh why do I fall for it!?"

Me: "Mars was out the other day."

Him: "The corner shop had about 20 of them out earlier."