Why did Mary give birth in a manger?
Cause God wanted His Son raised in a...stable environment.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Why couldnβt Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
I donβt think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..
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︎ Jul 06 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
Mary didnβt understand revolving doors.
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︎ May 18 2020
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
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︎ Mar 25 2020
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
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︎ May 29 2020
When you have a friend named Mary
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︎ Dec 26 2019
Sturgeon Mary
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︎ Dec 29 2019
I've called Bloody Mary three times now
I think she's ghosting me
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︎ Oct 01 2019
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...
20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?
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︎ Jan 31 2020
Iβm looking for punny popsicle names. Iβd like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. Iβm particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
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︎ Jul 18 2019
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.
When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."
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︎ Sep 05 2019
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose
marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit
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︎ Feb 10 2019
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:
"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"
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︎ Nov 02 2019
Iβve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
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︎ Sep 08 2019
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
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︎ Jul 19 2019
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.
βI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..β
βReally, whatβs the name of his other leg?β
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying βthatβs funny Daddyβ...
Love it.
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︎ May 09 2019
What's the difference between Mother Mary and an experimental artist?
One made a messiah and the other "made a mess, sire".
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︎ Jun 15 2019
They only serve Bloody Marys.
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︎ Sep 23 2018
What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?
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︎ May 10 2019
So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...
Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
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︎ Aug 06 2018
When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,
She cut off ties to spite her man.
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︎ Feb 01 2019
The Vice President, his brother, his wife, and their three children were all short on cash so they went to their local church for help. The preacher said he couldnβt spot that many people but pointed them to someone wealthier, who could: Sister Mary.
βSIX Pence? Nun the richer.β
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︎ Dec 29 2018
Little mary jane was walking down the street with her mother. Her mother saw a quarter in the road and went out to pick it up and got hit by a bus.
Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.
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︎ Dec 09 2018
Mary Shelley's Frankenstein:
History is told by the victor
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︎ Mar 14 2018
Hail Marys are a long shot.
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︎ Feb 05 2018
After a 4-year stint in the Navy, My friend changed her name from Marie to Mary...
It's like they always say, "I before E, except after sea"
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︎ Sep 02 2017
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︎ Feb 21 2014
What airline did Jesus and Mary take?
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︎ Jun 05 2018
What did Mary Poppins sing to a diabetic child?
βJust a spoonful of medicine makes the sugar go downβͺβ
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︎ Oct 09 2017
My Wife lost the race to Sister Mary Francis
Apparently, she was second to nun.
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︎ Jan 16 2018
Is your name Mary?
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︎ May 04 2017
Mary had a baby bear...
To which she was so kind,
And everywhere that Mary went,
You could see her bear behind.
Dad and Gramps love this one.
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︎ Aug 18 2013
Mary Tyler Moore died this week.
She didn't make it after all...
Not sure if it really counts as a dad joke, but my dad just dropped this one on me.
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︎ Jan 30 2017
How did mary and Joseph know that jesus weighed 7 pounds and six ounces
They had a weigh in a manger
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︎ Dec 26 2016
Where did Mary go after the explosion?
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︎ Sep 16 2016
What did the Three Magi say after giving Mary and Joseph two of their gifts?
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︎ Dec 26 2015
Even if the Virgin Mary didn't get to have sex...
...at least she made a prophet.
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︎ Oct 23 2012
I was upset after Mary Tyler Moore died. More upset that her family changed her name.
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︎ Jan 26 2017
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant
Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious
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︎ Feb 23 2019
What did Mary have for dinner?
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︎ Feb 02 2017
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