A cycle-path psychopath.
He had a loco-motive.
Heβs a contract killer.
We have changed the name of the street to Psycho Path.
He was arson about.
Illumi-naughty.
This is not a traditional /r/dadjokes with a delivery and a punchline.
I just wanted all dad's, with kids around 2-6, to know that changing the name of Winnie the Pooh to Winnie the Poop will generate maniacal laughter from your kids. Especially if you combine it with singing the theme song from the movie.
As an added bonus, there is no statute of limitations on when you add the extra P. You can say: Winnie the Poop Winnie the Pooh...P Or Winnie the Pooh...... ...... .... P And your kids will laugh just as hard.
I've gone a full minute without saying the last P, while my kids hang on my every facial movement.
Enjoy
They get into a huge fight about the best way to start the camp fire.
The two sit in silence for a few moments, cold and frustrated
The dad promptly reaches into his backpack, grabs a pair of scissors and tears into the wall of their canvas shelter.
The son yells, "What the heck are you doing, you maniac?!!?!?"
The dad turns to him, looks him dead in the eyes, and says, "Just trying to cut the tent-son."
Her: βIs it difficult for you to talk about this stuff?β (My erectile dysfunction)
Me: βYβknow, normally yeah it is, but with you itβs nothing hard at all...β
Edit: I made this joke completely by accident and then immediately started laughing like a maniac.
He was a clip toe maniac
He's such an Eggo-maniac
See you next decade! Laughing maniacally
She was an info maniac
Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.
The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...
ahem...
Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.
Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.
Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.
The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.
That's the theory, at least.
Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.
Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out
... keep reading on reddit β‘I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:
"This bus will be express from Huron out."
Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.
Make me one with everything...
Credit goes to the show Maniac on Netflix but I'm sure it originated elsewhere.
So my sister brought her computer over for my dad to fix. From my room, some 30 minutes later, i just heard him sniggering, and eventually balling his eyes out with laughter. He summons me over, and says through teary eyes "Look what i changed her computer name to!" So, look i did, expecting something silly. Sure enough, he had called it "Banana". I just shook my head and walked off while he cackled maniacally in his chair.
I was bored over Saturday, so decided top call my friend this is how the conversation ended
Friend: Well I need to fix dinner now
Me: what's wrong with it? Is it broken?
Friend immediately hangs up to the sound of my maniacal laughter
My sister: We were out of brown sugar so I used sugar and molasses. Brother-in-law: How did the moles feel about that?
He then proceeded to laugh like a maniac when I groaned loudly.
So my wisdom teeth have been coming in lately and my dad hit my mom with this one.
Dad: Yeah I've never had any wisdom teeth
Mom: Huh?!
Me: Some people don't get their wisdo-
Dad: ALL MY TEETH WERE STUPID TEETH!
While grinning like a maniac while my mom groaned.
Dad: "Hey buddy, can you check under the car? Something doesn't sound right."
puts head under engine bay
Me: "I don't think I hear anyth-"
Dad: honks horn for 5 seconds, laughs maniacally after he hears the thump of my head
CW 1: we need 11, I have 4 right here, so we just need to make a few more
Me: So we got about a third of what we need
CW 2: Quit it with the fractions DarkStrobeLight
Me: do I half to? (Laughing maniacally)
CW 1: it's too early for this shit
He walks up to me and says "Guess what?!" I asked, "What?" and he replied "YOU GUESSED IT!!" and walked away laughing maniacally.
...and he's speeding. We're northbound on the Seattle I-5, graced by the ever-too-common rain, and it's mostly empty.
Me: "I think you're going a little fast." Dad: "It's a gray area." Me: "What, speeding?" Dad: "No, Seattle."
We laughed like maniacs for 5 minutes.
Dad and I were having a semi-serious discussion on privacy laws, the internet and stuff like that.
DAD: I was reading a study the other day, and you know what country receives most spam e-mails per citizen by day?
ME: No, I didn't even know the country would influence that...
DAD: Yeah, turns out SPAIM is on top of the list...
ME: .............
DAD: (laughs like a fucking maniac for almost a minute)
Her : Come on don't be a pussy man up!
Me : Man down!
Her : WHERE?
She proceeds to laugh at herself like a maniac.
And that's when I fell in love.
I'm at work today. In my job, I share an office with two other people, and my boss has another office down the hallway.
Currently, all three of us underlings are in the front office. We all are named Josh. For the last two hours, my boss has been calling the front office from her extension and saying, "Bring me the one they call Josh! Is Josh there?!" Then she laughs maniacally and hangs up. This repeats about every five to ten minutes.
I don't know how to make it stop. Please help.
I work at Goodwill, and while I was working register a customer came up to pay.
He placed a frying pan on the counter, and casually said, "Hey man. What's cooking?"
His significant other just rolled her eyes and walked off. We laughed like maniacs.
Little background: I was standing on a roughly-3' rock wall along a sidewalk/eating area on campus. My friend was sitting at a table next to this.
We were engaging in a lively discussion when a girl walks by and sternly asks; "Are you talking down to her?" - and starts laughing maniacally.
Having a solid appreciation for dad jokes, I laugh heartily too and gently whisper "be my dad?" as she walks away...
We were at an amusement park and getting thirsty. I suggested we stop for a drink, they wanted to go on one more ride. Afterwards one of them said:
"I'm thirsty, lets get a drink" to which I replied "I said it first. Guess you can say I'm firsty".
Facepalming and groaning ensued. I laughed like a maniac.
Dad: "WHAT YOU MEAN HOT? LIKE OUT OF OVEN?!?!"
Elbow nudges to each of us
Cue maniacal laughter
HHUAHUAHUAHAUHAUHAUHUA
Now remember to be careful and wear a life jacket because you know the only kind of wood that doesn't float?
Then laughs maniacally while the friend just stares blankly.
