Man Of Letters Puns

"Bah! Bob lacks black sheep cheap ave. Have you, ewe, an' Annie knee wool?"

"Woolly es, yessir, sir!"

I am sorry. It has been brought to my attention that when you said "ayy what are YOU doing?" it was directed to the people loitering in the street, and not us, lesbians who were holding hands. I sincerely regret telling you to fuck off, and yelling that word at you when you responded in kind Sincerely, the woman who was called a dyke 5 minutes prior to the incident

To whom it may concern:

If you have received this, all other methods of contacting you have failed, and we are now entering a class six scenario. You will not consciously remember what that means, but you know what to do. The hypnotic suggestion in your subconscious will be triggered, and when you next fall asleep, you will sleepwalk to the secret entrance in your quarters that was mandatorily installed, whether you consented prior to hypnotic treatment or not. You will awaken in the bed in the chamber that the secret passage leads to. Afterwards, you will begin to regain your memories, which may induce vivid hallucinations, uncontrollable weeping, hysterical laughter, or spontaneous rage. Try your best to remain calm and collected, your life, and the lives of billions, depend on it.

Upon awaking and remembering the need for this eventuality, you will need to enter the corridor. You will know which one. Follow the path, complete the tasks, activate the machine, and enter the chamber.

In case you cannot remember before you encounter these challenges, here are some reminders.

1. She doesn't exist. We don't know why you see her, but she can't harm you. Any pain you receive that is caused by her only exists in your head, and you can use your training to remove it.

2. They DO exist. They ARE real. They CAN kill you. But only if you're standing in the dark.

3. The password is Alpha Limbo Tango, but only when the screen is yellow.

4. That warm draft is, in fact, breath. Don't turn around.

5. Your daughter is dead. She has been for years.

6. Your uniform is the one that looks right. No, you don't really want to know what happened to the others. Yes, that is blood. Keep moving.

7. Eat. You'll need the energy.

8. There is no person down there with you. You are on your own. Ignore all cries for help and all offers of assistance.

9. You are deathly allergic to the chemicals in that vat. Try not to spill them.

10. First push the button, THEN pull the lever.

11. No, we don't know exactly when you'll wake up. Just that you will. In either a millennia, or whenever the surface is safe for habitation again.

12. DO NOT LOOK AT THE OTHER CHAMBERS. You WILL break down. It WILL start again. We cannot afford to lose any more of you.

13. The black strap goes under your chin, the white across the forehead.

Goddspeed. Scientia sit potentia. Et lux in tenebris sumus.

‪C: Buster Posey‬ ‪1B: Brandon Belt ‬ ‪2B: Ben Zobrist‬ ‪SS: Brandon Crawford‬ ‪3B: Brian Anderson‬ ‪LF: Brett Gardner‬ ‪CF: Billy Hamilton‬ ‪RF: Brandon Nimmo‬ ‪DH: Bryce Harper‬

Bench: Brian McCann Bench: Ben Zobrist Bench: Ben Gamel

‪SP: Blake Snell‬ ‪SP: Brad Keller‬ ‪SP: Brent Suter‬ ‪SP: Brett Anderson‬ ‪SP: Bartolo Colon‬

‪CP: Blake Treinen‬ ‪RP: Brad Hand‬ ‪RP: Brad Brach‬ ‪RP: Brandon Morrow‬ ‪RP: Brad Peacock‬ ‪RP: Brandon Woodruff‬ ‪RP: Brandon Kintzler ‬

The advice ranged from career to cooking to basic mechanics; it was like a manual for life, and it took him a good while to rewrite, condense, and perfect.

When he went to the post office to send the letter, he met the mail deliverer Kurt. Kurt said he would deliver the letter.

The man waited a few days and went back to the post office since he didn't receive a letter back. He saw Kurt and asked him if he delivered the letter. Kurt said he tried to, but no one answered or took the letter, so he brought it back the next day.

The man was upset that his daughter ignored him. He left a copy of the same letter every single day at the post office, in the hopes that she would answer one of them someday.

Kurt noticed the man sending letter after letter, day by day, for months. His curiosity got the better of him after some time, and he decided to read one of the letters before delivering it. He was astounded at how useful the man's advice was and decided this was worth sharing with everyone, so he called up a local newspaper company.

The newspaper company sent a reporter to come speak with Kurt, who told them, "A man sent the same letter every day for months to his daughter, who never answered the letters. Read the letter! It has some very good information that could help the whole world out."

The reporter, instead of being interested in what the letter said, was interested in the man's dedication of sending the same letter every day to someone who never responded. The reporter wrote an article and sent it to Kurt to look at before publishing.

When Kurt looked at it, he said, "It's Outrageous! The Reposting gets more attention than the Original content !"

I am currently planning on writing a book, one character has gynophopia but I must confess that I don't know how much gynophopia affects people. I really don't want to be disrespectful or something and before I write something blatantly wrong I want to understand how Gynophopia affects everyday life. I hope someone can help me

Someone's dad or a man in the story establishes a business where men pay to have women as penpals (with the implication of falling in love), but in reality it's just the one man writing as all the women. I think the guy was an immigrant?

For some reason I keep remembering Vonnegut, but the plot I remember seemed too comical to be Vonnegut, and I don't even know how to begin googling this.

Thank you in advance!