I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun
He said "I'm going to choo choo"
Using my telescope, I could barely make out the British coin worth one fourth of a penny after I launched it into the upper atmosphere...
Beck always said he was a loser. How would you make him into a know-it-all?
Put him in a treehouse. That way, he would be Tree-Beck instead.
I laughed at the magician when he said he could make the entry way into a container..
Then he left and the door was ajar.
How do you make a gas into a solid?
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Converting the numbers 51,6 and 500 into Roman Numerals doesn't just make me mad...
When a book series is so good that they make it into an audio book...
It really speaks volumes.
A Buddhist walks into a pizza parlour and says, "make me one with everything"
We should go into a beautiful forest and make fun of our vice president
If we could just dis Pence with the pleasant trees
A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time to make her uncomfortable.
The bartender says, “Take a pitcher. It’ll last longer.”
I went into my favorite bar and asked for a Bud.The bartender, we'll call her Penny, say's you have to tell me who makes it first.Kinda stumped I said Anheiser Busch.She said "just fine,and hows your dick."
I cannot believe that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. It makes me sick
Neutering an animal makes it infertile. Making its hide into carpet squares makes it fur tile.
A man walks into a bar looking depressed. Bar tender asks whats wrong? Man says its his 50th wedding anniversary. And that when he was a teenager he got his girl friend pregnant. And to make it worse the father was a Judge and he told me if i did'nt marry his daughter i would go to Jail for 50 year
Today I could be a free man !
A magician walks into a stage, he says “For this joke, I will make the punchline disappear!!!”
It’s all fungi and games until you make yourself into a dick.
How do you make root beer into regular beer?
Put it in a square cup. Badumtss
One of the joys of parenthood is to snuggle into your child’s bed during a thunderstorm to make sure they’re not scared.
But my daughter and her husband insist they can manage on their own.
A man walks into a bar and makes a bet with the bartender...
He tells the bartender that he will bet $500 bucks that he can pee into 5 shot glasses that are 3 feet apart without getting a drop of pee on the floor. The bartender takes the bet quite confidently, thinking that there is no way the man can possibly do that.
They set up everything, the man has a couple of drinks and gets ready to go. As he starts peeing, he misses every single shot glass, barely getting any pee in any of the glasses. The bartender is laughing hilariously at the man's failure. "This is the easiest $500 bucks I'll ever make" he thinks to himself.
After the man finishes, the bartender, still laughing, ask the man, "why on Earth would you make that bet?!?" The man looks across the street and says "I bet the bartender across the street $2000 that I could make you laugh by pissing all over your floor."
Edit: wording
When I was in the army, our captain told us to dress as water dwelling birds, make quaking noises and just recline lazily in order to blend into the environment. But I doubted how effective that would be.
I was sure we’d be sitting ducks.
Ostrich meat would be a market I could get into to make some good money...
but it probably wouldn't take off.
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
Me: I don’t think I can make it in today. I can’t see. Boss:What? You can’t see? Me: yeah, I can’t see myself coming into work
A man walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks her to make him a giraffe.
Taken aback, she replied, "Well, that's a tall order!"
Just thought of a good pun, I just need somebody to make it into a joke.
The word vaporize can mean to completely destroy something, but here is the interesting part. vaporize can probably mean to turn something to vapor.
So, can somebody turn this into a joke?
I asked dad why it makes him so uncomfortable to discuss the possibility of me moving into the garage?
He said "It's too close to home".
I heard that they figured out how to break down and process corn and make it into plastic-like furniture.
Soon you will be able to purchase your very own veggie-table.
I tried really hard to make my favorite notebook into a beautiful writing implement...
...but I was told I shouldn't make a fountain out of a Moleskine.
(crossposted to /r/fountainpens)
When I was a kid (in the 80s) we were really into mixtapes. My dad said he wanted to make one for me.
He vigorously shook a blank cassette tape and handed it to me.
A customer came into our store to make an even exchange
Somehow our system said we owed her a penny. My manager said this makes no sense but I said it actually makes one cents.
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