Why do socket wrenches make bad lovers?

All they do is nut and bolt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chc36
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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How can you attract a wealthy, suburban dog lover?

Arrange rover.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdxp2b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?

A cab, and quick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ulvain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Where is Juliets lover?

I don't know he's probably still Romeoing about

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wintermoon01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?

A bae-blade.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquigglesMcJiggly
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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What is a cat lover's favourite tree?

A juni-purr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What do German meat lovers breathe?

Hamburg-air

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovethedarknet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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What do you call an assassin that only kills anime lovers?

A weeb wacker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Where don't you want to find a pearl?

In your lovers clam!

Inspired by the Jolly Rancher story.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YetAnotherSmith
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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Said by a snail lover…

"I put the 'escargot' in 'presh-escargot'."

('Precious cargo')

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Why were the melon lovers sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geewizzliz
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Not just barbers

Quirky animal lovers use their hare to express themselves

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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What did the pedantic mathematician say to her lover?

Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, oh wherefore rβ€’Ο„ Romeo?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/99-bottlesofbeer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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When buying an exotic flower for your lover there are two choices. Use contraception…

Orchid

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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What do you call two female lovers spying on the government.

Lesbionage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Omicra98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I asked my Scottish friend how many lovers he's had.

He started to count, but soon fell asleep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatlack1023
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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That’s a farfalle for us pasta lovers...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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What do you get when you cross the lover of the Russian queen and a flying insect?

Wa Wa Wasputin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyArnoldPalmer2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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What do you call it when your wife leaves you for a past lover?

A predickament.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hornfromthe80s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?

You will Romaine in my heart forever ❀️

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamWize-Ganji
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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What do you call a religious cat-lover?
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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For the Justin Timberlake lovers out there

https://preview.redd.it/o0jqynhnyqh31.jpg?width=1047&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deddb5dd10645cc90b165754de79ab61a4a2928a

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbalint92
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Not a pizza lover...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackEyedBroad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.

I said no, it's a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunnythebadger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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What's a dubstep lover's favorite sport?

Bass-ball.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NuramiTheCanine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Did you hear about the wealthy ice cream lover?

He won the gelotto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Do you know how Stephen Hawking's kids used to refer to their mother's lover?

The walking dad

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sebicoroian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Merry Christmas, you dirty pun lovers! imgur.com/7rkwn2j
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
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Where do salt lovers go to pray? [OC]

The taberNaCl.

(I would apologize, but this is /dadjokes)

(X-posted to jokes.)

πŸ‘︎ 648
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qdiggles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2015
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What do you call a sandwich lover in the military?

A Sub-Marine!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dabber_Danny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?

I want hue.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mc1nc4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
🚨︎ report
A new cereal is coming out for the lovers of fermented beverages.

BEERIOS!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
For the nature lovers. I hunt because... (x-post /r/shrooms) amazon.com/dp/B078MW3VPF/
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoesKat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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A friend of mine who’s works as a butcher, killed his wife’s secret lover.

He was charged with man slaughter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjjsteen3
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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What do magicians lovers say during intercourse?

I've got the magic in me

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mounis11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?

I’ve got a date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benharlow77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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If you give a former lover two mints do you like...

...experiments?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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Tasty treat for math lovers

What dessert never ends? Apple Pi

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HerChewieBear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I used to have this girlfriend that was really "loose". I'm pretty sure she had 61 lovers before me.

I know this for a fact, because she always used to call me her 60 second lover.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Today is a day to celebrate motherfuckers.

Happy Father's Day!

πŸ‘︎ 768
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beingtwiceasnice
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Why are melons sometimes hopeless lovers

Because they cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdmcstuffins
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Some say you have to join the mile-high club to be considered a good lover...

...but I've never given a flying fuck.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mountainmountain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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