βIf you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friendsβ.
Catchy song. Dreadful relationship advice.
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π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Why do socket wrenches make bad lovers?
All they do is nut and bolt
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︎ Jan 24 2021
How can you attract a wealthy, suburban dog lover?
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︎ Feb 27 2021
What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?
π︎ 9
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︎ Feb 02 2021
Where is Juliets lover?
I don't know he's probably still Romeoing about
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
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︎ May 04 2020
What is a cat lover's favourite tree?
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What do German meat lovers breathe?
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︎ Sep 29 2020
For math lovers and others to
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Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
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Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
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Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!
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Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.
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Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.
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Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.
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Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasnβt greater than or less than anyone else.
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What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple
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What do you call a number that canβt stay in one place? A Roaminβ numeral.
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Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.
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What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
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Iβll do algebra, Iβll do trig. Iβll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!
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Why should you never talk to Pi? Because sheβll go on and on and on forever.
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Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? Itβs a shame theyβll never meet.
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Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
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Whatβs the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.
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Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? Theyβd stop at nothing to avoid them.
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How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where itβs always 90 degrees.
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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!
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Why DID seven eat nine? Because youβre supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
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Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.
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︎ Aug 20 2020
Iβve recently discovered Iβm terrified of elevators, so Iβm taking steps to avoid them.
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but Iβm slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers.
You make the world a happier place! π€©
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︎ Nov 12 2020
What do you call an assassin that only kills anime lovers?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Said by a snail loverβ¦
"I put the 'escargot' in 'presh-escargot'."
('Precious cargo')
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︎ Sep 10 2020
In todayβs inclusive culture; people are finding love from many sources. One lady was dating her closet; but, unfortunately the love affair ended.
The lady didnβt like her loverβs many hang ups.
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π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Why were the melon lovers sad?
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︎ May 30 2020
What did the pedantic mathematician say to her lover?
Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, oh wherefore rβ’Ο Romeo?
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π
︎ Jul 06 2020
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government.
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︎ Aug 15 2019
Not just barbers
Quirky animal lovers use their hare to express themselves
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︎ Feb 20 2021
When buying an exotic flower for your lover there are two choices. Use contraceptionβ¦
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π
︎ May 10 2020
I asked my Scottish friend how many lovers he's had.
He started to count, but soon fell asleep.
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︎ Feb 27 2020
Thatβs a farfalle for us pasta lovers...
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︎ Dec 14 2019
What do you get when you cross the lover of the Russian queen and a flying insect?
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π
︎ Mar 27 2020
What do you call it when your wife leaves you for a past lover?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever β€οΈ
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π
︎ Aug 09 2019
What do you call a religious cat-lover?
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︎ Aug 30 2019
For the Justin Timberlake lovers out there
https://preview.redd.it/o0jqynhnyqh31.jpg?width=1047&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deddb5dd10645cc90b165754de79ab61a4a2928a
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 21 2019
Not a pizza lover...
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π
︎ Sep 08 2018
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
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π
︎ Feb 13 2019
What's a dubstep lover's favorite sport?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 01 2019
Did you hear about the wealthy ice cream lover?
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︎ Sep 07 2019
π︎ 358
π
︎ Dec 25 2016
Do you know how Stephen Hawking's kids used to refer to their mother's lover?
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︎ Sep 25 2019
Where do salt lovers go to pray? [OC]
The taberNaCl.
(I would apologize, but this is /dadjokes)
(X-posted to jokes.)
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︎ Aug 15 2015
What do you call a sandwich lover in the military?
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︎ Aug 11 2019
What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?
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︎ Sep 11 2016
A new cereal is coming out for the lovers of fermented beverages.
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︎ Apr 26 2019
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 31 2017
What do magicians lovers say during intercourse?
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︎ Mar 22 2019
If you give a former lover two mints do you like...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 06 2018
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
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︎ Dec 17 2018
Tasty treat for math lovers
What dessert never ends? Apple Pi
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π
︎ Jan 16 2018
I used to have this girlfriend that was really "loose". I'm pretty sure she had 61 lovers before me.
I know this for a fact, because she always used to call me her 60 second lover.
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︎ Sep 14 2018
Why are melons sometimes hopeless lovers
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︎ May 05 2018
Today is a day to celebrate motherfuckers.
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︎ Jun 16 2019
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