Do your worst!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
They’re on standbi
It really does, I swear!
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
Cardano was the first mathematician to make systematic use of negative numbers. He published with attribution the solution of Scipione del Ferro to the cubic equation and the solution of Cardano's student Lodovico Ferrari to the quartic equation in his 1545 book Ars Magna. The solution to one particular case of the cubic equation {\displaystyle ax^{3}+bx+c=0} (in modern notation), had been communicated to him in 1539 by Niccolò Fontana Tartaglia (who later claimed that Cardano had sworn not to reveal it, and engaged Cardano in a decade-long dispute) in the form of a poem, but del Ferro's solution predated Tartaglia's. In his exposition, he acknowledged the existence of what are now called imaginary numbers, although he did not understand their properties, described for the first time by his Italian contemporary Rafael Bombelli. In Opus novum de proportionibus he introduced the binomial coefficients and the binomial theorem.
Cardano was notoriously short of money and kept himself solvent by being an accomplished gambler and chess player. His book about games of chance, Liber de ludo aleae ("Book on Games of Chance"), written around 1564, but not published until 1663, contains the first systematic treatment of probability, as well as a section on effective cheating methods. He used the game of throwing dice to understand the basic concepts of probability. He demonstrated the efficacy of defining odds as the ratio of favourable to unfavourable outcomes (which implies that the probability of an event is given by the ratio of favourable outcomes to the total number of possible outcomes). He was also aware of the multiplication rule for independent events but was not certain about what
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because the audience only responds in a low ha
A happy Uncle.....
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"
Nothing, it just waved
I’d never seen him be 4.
Ice-olation.
She's only eleven and says she came up with that by herself. I'm so proud 😭😭😭
