A policeman stops a woman for driving over the speed limit. The policeman approaches the window and the woman says to the cop:”I thought that you didn’t give ticket to pretty women”The policeman answers:”Actually, we don’t. So sign here please.”
Good Evening mam, do you know the speed limit is 45 km/h here? Why were you going at 55?
Oh sorry, the old lady replies. I thought the interstate number was the speed limit.
So, would you mind telling me why the others are shaking in the back?
Oh that. We just got off from Interstate 120.
So I pushed her over.
Oh, and by the way, those flashing lights on top of your car look really stupid.
To stop people from going over the feed limit.
I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."
A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...
It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.
It was bananas.
Last night I was driving home and had a police officer following me. I tried my hardest to go the speed limit. As I was driving, I saw a wild turkey running towards the road. I slammed my breaks but still hit the turkey. The bird flipped over my car and hit the police officer behind me. The cop then turned on his siren and pulled me over. He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.
I was over at a bar with some buddies and told them I had to leave soon after drinking 5 or 6 beers. One of my buddies told me to wait, because he wanted to buy a round of Sky vodka shots to celebrate his promotion. I looked at him and the group and said...
"Alright guys, but i'm leaving after this, because the sky is the limit."
Groans were soon followed.
A car will pass us going well over the speed limit my father cannot help himself.
"Hey kids there goes our speeding ticket!"
*groans
