Found a life hack to never get murdered

Just stay in the living room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GottaBlast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Amazing Life Hack!
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clitoris-drowner
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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My favourite life hack
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrimpy_J
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Life hack

Came in drunk after a night and didn't wanna wake anyone up, so I made some french pancakes and put them on my feet and I crΓͺped right upstairs.....

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squeakster15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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LIFE HACK: Name your next child something normal.

Me: Are you still mad that your mother and I named you Life Hack?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Life Hack: If you play My Chemical Romance loud enough in your yard...

your grass will cut itself.

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hann1980
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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Not a joke, but this just happened...

Took a really big dab (weed) and was coughing my brains out, which caused the following conversation between me and my wife:

Wife: "Are you going to make it?"

Me: "Nope.. Cough Hack ..You're gonna... cough ..be a... Hack hack ..widow!"

Wife: "Nooo, you can't die!"

Me: Hack "And I don't even.. cough ..have.. hack ...life insurance!" cough hack cough

Wife: "Wife Insurance?? What is that - If I break can you swap me out for a new one?? Do you mean a pre-nup??"

My body couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. Cough, Laugh, it even got confused and farted. Fucking hilarious.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmbivalentAsshole
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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The creator of the hokey pokey died from the coronavirus.

Only his closest family was at the funeral but they live streamed it on Zoom. Some degenerate hacked the feed and starting playing the hokey pokey audio and he kept putting his left foot in and out of the coffin. His family was initially horrified at the hack but later was able to laugh a little, out of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. They learned to live in the moment and remember the good moments of life, and that’s what it’s all about.

clap clap

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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My dog initially barked when the people installing my shingles started then barked again as they finished...

Re-roofing complete.

*Edit: reworded punchline. I think it might be better said "replacing my shingles" but I cannot for the life of me edit that part...

*ahem* without hacking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Does anyone know of any forums for fellow ax murderers?

We can share LifeHacks...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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WhereΒ΄s the Wizard of Oz?

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway.... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads" he begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?" "Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes: "Abracapokus! You're brown!" The toad looks down and sees that he is brown! Except..... for his weenie, which was still yellow. "Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!" "Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way. There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother (yes, okay, it's a coincidence, but it's true). "Fairy Godmother! You're just the person I need!" says the purple bear, "I can't pull any bearesses cos they don't want to be seen with a purple bear on account of the hunters. They can spot me from a mile off." Being a fairly nice fairy godmother, she takes out her magic wand. "Oh for goodness sake, what is the matter with you lot round here" she says and with that, she yells: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!" The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown. Except for his goolies, which remain purple.. "Hold up sweetheart!" he says to the fairy Godmother, "My goolies are still purple!" "Yeah, well I don't do those goolie things," she replies, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." "Well that's just dandy, innit?" the bear replies, "How the hell do I find the Wizard of Oz?" "Easy," says the fairy godmother as she flew off saying......... "Just follow the yellow-prick toad !!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/janeybabygoboom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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Life Hack: Give your next child a normal name.

Me: Are you still mad that me and your mother named you Life Hack?

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phoenix_Gaming1
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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