Was told the ultimate dad joke today.. (I may be over exaggerating a little)

I work a cancer hospital and schedule patients for surgery and procedures and stuff. I had this one couple who I knew I would like as soon as they sat down. The first thing the man says to me β€œyou wanna hear a joke?” Me β€œah, of course!” ....a few moments of silence go by... dad β€œdid you hear about that actress? I think she played in miss congeniality? It was Reese something? She committed suicide.” Totally buying the story I go, β€œare you serious!? Reese Witherspoon!?” And with out a beat he says β€œNo, with a knife.” And I looked at him for a few seconds to comprehend the joke and then lost it! I know this is probably old but it’s a classic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brooklynne33
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
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From my recent DnD game, in the local tavern

Bard: I take out my lute and start playing

Druid: I take out my flute and join in

Dm: rolls. Everybody loves it. (Paraphrased. Took much longer)

Me: Hey. Where did you keep the flute? Would you say maybe in the brim of your shoe? Like how some keep a knife in their boot? Please, just go with it

So the lute and the flute from the boot was a hoot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmndrhurricane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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My wife, daughter and I were building a fort...

Daughter: Daddy, we are building a "fork" Dad: yes, it's very knife! Mom: umm... Dad: hope we can play again spoon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dork
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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Dad-Joked playing basketball tonight

I go play Monday night's at a church league, and the whole event is organized by this guy Rob:

Rob: Hey, did you guys hear on the radio today about that celebrity who stabbed her husband?

Us: No, who was it?

Rob: Um, what was her name. Reese...

Us: Witherspoon?!

Rob: No, with her knife

Us: ....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Pizza_Puncher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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