Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
what is green, fluffy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table
(I'm sorry, I'll let myself out, I know it was absolutely terrible even by dad joke standards)
What has two butts and can kill you?
How do you kill a pack of clowns?
since lead can kill you just from being around it too much, it can technically be considered death metal.
how can I include "lead/lead singer" into the joke
so my sons were arguing over dinner and my wife said to the youngest, "don't kill you brother, that would be fratricide". the oldest then said, "yes and if you kill your mom, that would be matricide"...
the youngest then said (deliberately) "hey...my mom doesn't have a mattress in her eyes!"
I do apologise....proud dad moment.
To kill a French vampire you need to impale it through the heart with a baguette.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
You have five minutes to prepare. A man is coming to kill you and you can't leave your house. What do you do?
Go to the living room.
All credit to u/silentagent47 and u/on-oath-never-again over at r/AskReddit.
The monkeypox virus won't kill you.
But it will drive you bananas.
What do you call it when you try to kill a cow but your bullet doesn’t hit?
How many moles do you think they have to kill to get a whole jar of molasses?
Did you hear about the new menu item at the Road Kill Café?
They now have an Impossumble Burger
Would drinking invisible ink kill you?
How do you kill a Buddhist?
Do you know how non-binary samurai kill people?
they/them
...
they slash them
What is it called when you kill your friend?
How do you kill a mockingbird?
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What has two behinds and can instantly kill you?
What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
Sis: "Ewww! There's a Bug on the Floor. Can you kill it, bro?"
Me: "Hmm, looks like a Fly, but it's not able to fly around."
Sis: "Then, it's a Walk."
Credit to my sis!
How do you kill a southern vampire?
How do you kill a BLUE elephant?
Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
How do you kill a PINK elephant?
.
.
.
.
Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
What do you call a weapon that doesn't kill animals?
Eating mercury can kill you.
What has 4 legs, is green, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you?
How do you kill a circus?
What is green, has legs and would kill you if it fell on your head from a tree?
What's green has four legs and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?
What's green and fuzzy, has four legs and if fell out of a tree could kill you?
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
What is big and black and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you
What’s green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
How do you kill a circus?
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
What has four legs, green fur, and if it drops on you from a tree, will kill you?
What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out a tree it'll kill you?
To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
What's green, has six legs, and if it fell out of a tree it'd kill you?
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
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