We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Who led the Jewish people across a semi permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the gelatin hate the pudding?

Because they were jell-os

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerica80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What's Your Open Source OS Of Choice?

Q: What's Your Open Source OS Of Choice?

A: Darwin.

Q: Why?

A: It's the evolution of Unix.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gandalf239
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
They've invented a phone that's powered by infinity stones.

It runs on thanOS

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/w33dchild
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œSon, go clean the attic.” β€œBut dad, theres asbestos up there!”

β€œJust clean it as-best-os you can.”

Source: my dad

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s ALEXA’s Operating System

Jeff BezOS

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrabsForBreakfast
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What cereal do old people listen to?

Radi-Os

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What was a popular ancient Greek breakfast cereal?

Heli-Os

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rezerox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Who was the main character of the Summer at the Beach spinoff of the Avengers?

Tan-os.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joke on religious icons.

"Who led the Jews through a semi-permeable membrane?"

"Os-moses"

πŸ‘︎ 313
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoba333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
At a graduate seminar on operating systems

Professor: This paper is comparing Windows Vista performance against Windows 7 in the wild, but it makes no attempt to control for hardware, so it's not an apples-to-apples comparison.

Me: For an apples-to-apples comparison they'd need to compare OSX and iOS, wouldn't they?

(Yes, I really said this)

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dspeyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
🚨︎ report
These Android OS names...

Husband tried to upgrade his OS today but it was stuck at 23% for a while. I told him to restart.

Him: It's taken 45 minutes to put Marshmallow on there.

Me: Guess you gotta wait s'more.

Him: (that groan I know so well)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_byebirdie_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend's parents are staying for the weekend and I found this dad joke in the bathroom this morning...

http://i.imgur.com/N8SlrOS.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronHardback
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Dinner today...

Little sister "What about the chicken?" Older sister "You mean Turkey?" Ls "Whatever, same difference." Os"You're a chicken." Brother "I call fowl." Me "I'm game."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/virrenelf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
🚨︎ report
My slow cooker. (x post /r/funny)

http://i.imgur.com/osGKwl5.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/borick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
🚨︎ report
During last nights broadcast

http://imgur.com/osWCERj

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monroeshton
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Saw this pot rack at Crate and Barrel...

My dad called it a Pan-Tree.

http://i.imgur.com/rOsIFt3.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/basmith7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Who led the Jewish people across a semi-permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Who split the Red Sea using diffusion?

Os-moses.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolDude777777777
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Who led the Jewish people through a semi permeable membrane?

Os-Moses.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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