A list of puns related to "Jump Off"
πΆ 877 SPLASH NOW πΆ
βThat just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra stepsβ
He yells,β Donβt do it, you have too much potentialβ
Dime had more cents
He's going off the rails
He was totally in Seine.
Your descendants.
Inseine
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before.... X/post from jokes.
Kermitting suicide.
Because its recycling.
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
They jumped to a conclusion and made an impact
He says βIβm dead serious!β
βI forgot to feed the dog!β
The bar tender says βwow howβd you get that peg leg?β The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean offβ next the bartender asks βand the hook? Howβd you get that?β The pirate responds βwell we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean offβ the bartender then asks, βok so what about the eyepatch??β The pirate responds βI was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eyeβ the bartender is a bit confused and says βthat made you lose your eye?β βNoβ says the pirate βit was my first day with the hook!β
did they kill themselves a-ledge-dly?
I don't think he was up for a grown man jumping off his shoulders.
Two clowns were watching the late evening news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station then cut to a commercial.
The first clown said, βI bet you $20 heβs going to jump.β
The second clown repliedΒ βOkay, itβs a bet!β
(Back to newscast.) The man jumped.
The second clown, being a good sport, pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to the other clown. βOkay. Hereβs my $20.β
However, the first clown refused, saying βNo, I canβt take it.β
The second clown replied, βI insist. I lost the bet fair and square.β
The first clown said, βI have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasnβt really a fair bet.β
But the second clown replied, βI know. I saw the same newscast. But I didnβt think he would be stupid enough to jump twice!β
http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/betting-on-the-man-jumping-off-a-ledge/
That was, until we saw his parischute
βEiffelβ
Eiffel
Water you doing?
So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"
They told me I was in Seine.
"I crack myself up."
Now hereβs the real kicker.
...right in front of a house where thereβs a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. Thereβs a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldnβt mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesnβt budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy heβs ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, βThank you.β
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
βThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.β
He commited sewercide
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorβs love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevorsβs degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevorβs front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnβt keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
βWellβ said Jeff, βAs Iβm sure you know the convention comes to town laterβ.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
βYes of courseβ replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit β‘It started off with sledging which has finally lead to ski jumping. Itβs a real slippery slope
He yells: βDon't jump! You have so much potential!β
"Don't do it!!" he yelled. "You have so much potential!"
A scientist who was there yelled at him: Don't, you have so much potential!
A scientist who was there yelled at him: Don't, you have so much potential!
He said, βvet? Iβm fucking soakingβ
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.