What a juicy pun

What do u call a lemon if it's used as a medicine?

A lemon aid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M3m3_D0ct0r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.

They gave me a raw deal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsouza
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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What do vegans call a 28 ounce juicy steak?

A big mistake!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dullbrowny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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At the company picnic, my co-worker said he had some juicy gossip. He loaded up his plate but tripped on the way to my table...

He spilled the beans!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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This pun thread is very juicy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metheist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Someone said I wasn’t very smart because I never read anything. Well it so happens I was reading an article just the other day

It said Juicy.

Turns out it was an article of clothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Le_Gitzen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Juicy sandwich
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recnemorcen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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While I was ripping a big juicy fart on the plane I figured out my 4yr old son’s spirit animal...

Scapegoat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Norse gods and goddesses share juicy gossip often

and they've gotta keep it Loki.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aeonmymind
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Just the other day I had this delicious juicy burger. Can you guess what I ate it with?

I ate it with my mouth, of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Southern_Corn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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A taste to die for imgur.com/6EaG8bY
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What happens when you hit someone with an orange?

Things will get juicy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajdorUzu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

Because it ran out of juice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxas-The-Nobody
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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Sometimes you have to sacrifice being a gentleman for the juicy dad joke.

Girlfriend and I are walking to dinner one night and on she says, "I'm chilly ❄️" and I turn and say, "Nice to meet you chilly, I'm stew." The look on her face... It was great and terrifying all at the same time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwoods2122
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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My younger sister was asking my dad for a juicy story.

Dad: "One day I went to the back yard and picked some oranges and brought them inside and made some juice."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marrockon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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What is the difference?

Between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kdthibs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

Edit- got this off the back of a cereal box but damn love raking in this new text post juicy karma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Driddle07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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How did tomatoes get their name?

I work in a kitchen and a coworker asked "I wonder where tomatoes got their name?"

I said it probably it went something like this...

"Hey where did those round, juicy, red things go?"

"Oh, Tom ate those"

"Tomatoes?! Is that what they're called? Well, where did they go?"

No one laughed except me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegodawfultruth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?

Because he couldn't concentrate...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterS42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Wife set me up perfectly

I came home from work the other night and as I walk in Better Man by Pearl Jam is on the stereo, and my wife is setting out a nice juicy steak for me.

I looked her right in the eye's and told her truthfully that "It doesn't get Eddie Veder than this"

She punched my shoulder...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/argash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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My uncle posted an entire album of these photos.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoStandManMD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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Me and my dad making fresh lemonade.

Me: "Look, these lemons were imported from Israel."

Dad: "Yeah, that's probably why they're so juicy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonig
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2014
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This came up in my twitter feed today

Dad:why did your sister spend $50 at Juicy Couture?

Me:I don't know. It's kinda expensive.

Dad:How much juice does she need?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaxBro45
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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