How often are women grumpy and irritable ?

Periodically.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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My 4-year-old got crumbs in his eye and started rubbing his eye. He said it didn't hurt much and I said "Oh, so it's just a little irritating?"

He said "No, it's eye-itating."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Etereve
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I asked my doctor what I could do about my irritated eyes. He said "check out conjunctivitis.com."

"It's a site for sore eyes."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 74
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kdlaz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I once swallowed a book of synonyms.

Itโ€™s gave me thesaurus throat Iโ€™ve ever had.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shua_mc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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What do you call an irritated pirate?

pIRATE

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zorgron
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Irritable Bowel Syndrome implies the existence of other bowel syndromes, such as:

Cheery Bowel Syndrome

Angry Bowel Syndrome

Naive Bowel Syndrome (right before you have Taco Bell)

The list is endless and frightening

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KungFuThor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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The attending neonatal pediatrician was always grumpy and irritated by our questions about our babies...

...to be fair, we were warned by the nurses that he was known to have very little patients.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KW-DadJoker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My friend was very irritated because his fishing pole broke and he had to wind up the fishing line manually.

He was being a reel crank.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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โ€œIโ€™d like to prescribe you a topical ointment for your skin irritation,โ€ my doctor said.

โ€œWoah, woah, doc,โ€ I said, โ€œLetโ€™s not make any rash decisions.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whomikehidden
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Why does the rest of the Alphabet find A,E,I,O, and U so annoying?

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chrisj1616
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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Irritating Santa this time of year would be ...

...a coal-lossal mistake!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Facebook gave me a reminder of how i irritated my friends one year ago.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jewelsssss
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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A little story of a dadjoke that drove my wife crazy

When we were Christmas shopping for our kids, we went to target. After walking around for a while I got bored and eventually found a bouncy ball. It was a small inflatable basketball about tennis ball sized and being inflated instead of solid rubber, it made a louder noise when it hit the ground.

We were walking around and I was bouncing the ball. My wife got visibly irritated at the constant noise following her around and told me to please put it down. I bounced it again and said "I'm trying, but every time I do, it comes back up into my hand"

Que the groan.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Piratey_Pirate
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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I can't abide lending money, just the sight of an IOU note makes me furious.

I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MafiaCub
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Did you know that Egyptian pharaohs all suffered from irritable bowels?

Or as they called it, toot in common.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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circles

An ant named seg is trying to reach its anthill

A girl tries to irritate it by putting a glass over it. secant she how tangent is getting. i guess it will diameter before it reaches its anthill. it would be pretty sad for its family though, as segment a lot to them. We could just say, it couldn't escape it's circle of life. well, after his untimely death, his family has arranged a funeral for him and chordiallly invited all its relatives.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tikkarice
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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What do you call a man with a pace maker and irritable bowel syndrome?

A gas electric hybrid.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 905
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zoolilba
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2015
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Charts that show "stages of anger" usually irritate me

Not everyone has a method to their madness.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/electrocuter666
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Why are chilli peppers so irritating?

Because they're jalapeรฑo face!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShrimpySeagull
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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Why is the sea always irritated?

Because it has a sandy bottom.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SquishedGremlin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Deodorant irritates my skin, so I got one of those deodorizing crystals. I tried to figure out how it works

It just doesn't make scents.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lbunch1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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My pregnant wife was intentionally irritating me while I was taking a shower...

I said, "Can I please just shower in peace?"

She replied, "I have a bag in the freezer if you want some."

I stonefaced her but it brought a tear to me eye, she's gonna be such a good dad. ^(Explanation ^since ^I ^know ^someone ^will ^ask: ^peace ^sounds ^like ^peas)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 186
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WrexKwonDo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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I don't have any kids. According to my nephew, this disqualifies me from telling dad jokes. But he's always preaching that my diet is too high in carbohydrates, so my eating habits really irritate him and get under his skin.

I guess this makes me his carbuncle.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HAL9000000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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What is nice if you are close but gets more irritating if u get further away?

Someone holding the door for you.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rubaanus2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Doctor: Is the light irritating you at all?

If anything its eyeitating me.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BladeofFateX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I get a bit irritated when someone makes an annoying sound.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Alanator222
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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Dad joked my irritated wife at the grocery store.

Wife: "Would you PLEASE help look for molasses?" Me: "Sure. Find me a mole and I'll show you where his ass is."

Blank stare of death.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 139
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jimrob4
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Wife texted me as she was boarding a plane, irritated that there was no wifi or TV screens as it was one of their "classic planes"

So I texted back: "Looks like you boarded the air-PLAIN.."

She didn't text me again.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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Paul McCartney grew irritated that he couldn't purchase a call girl with impressionist paintings

He said, "I don't care too much for Monet. Monet can't buy me love."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Socrathustra
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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Accidental Dad Joke

Story time:

So over the holiday, while visiting my mom, she asked me to run and pick up some groceries she had on her shopping list. So of course, I pack up my kids and we are off to the store. As I am perusing the juice aisle, my daughter squeals, "ELSA!!!!" Sure enough, there was Elsa, on the label of a bottle of apple juice. I thought, "Apple juice is on the list and it will make my daughter happy? Boom getting it!" Fast forward to putting groceries away at my mom's house.

Mom: "Did you get everything on my list?"

Me: "Yes mom."

Mom: as I am handing her the Elsa apple juice "Oh I wanted you to get the frozen apple juice"

Me: my face shifting from a look of irritation to a stupid-cheesy smirk "That IS Frozen apple juice..."

Mom: fighting the urge to smack me while rolling her eyes "OMG."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ehrivei
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I still experience long-lasting psychological effects from having a childhood friend that took offense at everything I did.

My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/YourLocalCreep
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My wife told me I was irritating...

...so I grabbed my ear and began moving it in circles. She asked what the heck I was doing, and I told her I was ear-rotating. I got an eye roll and a punch for that one

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Grumpy_Shat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Which country has the most irritating city?

Vietnam, its very Hannoying

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/will_12468
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"what part of your body would you get rid off?"

"My spine, It holds me back."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/__Odelay__
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2018
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You know what always irritated me about FedEX?

It really isn't fair that X is the only letter that gets fed. They should feed all of the other letters of the alphabet as well.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AmnesiaTDD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why did the artists stay away from the irritable blacksmith?

Nobody wanted to draw his iron.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Subrosian_Smithy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It was irritated

My girlfriend and I were talking and she goes "I put in a new earring this morning, but had to take it out because it got irritated." Naturally I replied "do you mean ear-ritated?" She didn't laugh, but I did, so who's the real winner?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sundog12100
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Iโ€™ve still no idea

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/-Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum-
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'm frustrated with not being able to finish all of my cereal

I think I have irritable bowl syndrome

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hotsprings1234
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I get upset whenever I hear a, e, i, o, or u.

Turns out I have Irritable Vowel Syndrome.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FreemanForever
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Damn bugs!

Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!

SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?

Me: No! They are driving me nuts!

SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?

Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/awesomenein
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I really hate it when people say โ€˜aโ€™, โ€˜eโ€™, โ€˜iโ€™, โ€˜oโ€™, or โ€˜uโ€™

Doctor says I have irritable vowel syndrome.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/assafstone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad joked my fiancรฉ over dinner.

Having dinner with fiancรฉ and parents, sausages, mash, vegetables. Delicious.

Fiancรฉ sits down with her dinner, my Dad asks her why she doesn't have broccoli?

Her: "I can't eat it with irritable bowel"

Me: "you should eat it with carrots like the rest of us"

Uncle and Dad laughed, everyone else stopped forks halfway to mouths.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 296
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/arathkone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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