As a patriot, I have decided to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay import taxes.

That’ll be….my Civic duty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2022
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An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?

A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockneybastard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2022
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Where do you go for a Hide n Seek injury?

The ICU

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_lichtenfels
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2022
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Dough and dough
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrinking_dicklet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2022
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Why did the cellphone wear his glasses?

Because he lost his contacts

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2022
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I've been reading this book about How to Improve Your Memory. It's very insightful....

but I don't remember where I placed it.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
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What do you use to charge an electric Honda?

Accord

πŸ‘︎ 245
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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2022
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What do you call it when people have a bias against others who can’t see well?

A stigma tism

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnhtns234
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2022
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Why is it impossible to get mad at the owner of a Honda?

Because you can’t throw a Fit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFreightGame
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
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Got pulled over, and the cop asked me if I knew why...

I responded with, "because you got all C's in high school?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nothing2Special
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
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NASA’s new rover, Insight, is supposed to tell us about Mars’ soil composition and about what’s underneath the surface of Mars..

So technically, Insight’s purpose is to give us insight about what’s not IN SIGHT

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RLU763
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Needed to share these insights πŸ™πŸΌ
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmazingandAwkward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Puns about the body are generally corny, but puns about the eyes are

Cornea

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2022
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My friend is pastor of a church that has no divine historical figures with extraordinary spiritual and moral insight...

It's a not-for-prophet organization.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Without any experience my uncle Lee once got a job at the electric company. He didn't know what he was doing and didn't last

Shockingly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tumalditamadre
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2022
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I also knew someonewho felt morally obligated to drive an economy sized Honda

She felt it was her Civic duty

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthurdent6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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Dads can be insightful at times

Sitting at the dinner table, having a typical conversation with kids aged 12 to 1.

10-year-old: "This doesn't make any sense!"

Dad: "Maybe someday you'll have a conversation that can make some change."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/busykat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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I don’t know if I trust the self-cannibal.

He seems to be full of himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Abel.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Good oΓ±e
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rushinlobster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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Why was the flu-ridden postman angry at his coworkers for scratching him?

Because no matter how much he said it, no one would help him with his β€œback itches” (packages).

If you found this humorous at all, I would love your insights on formatting to improve it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tempthrowary
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2021
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A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
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My girlfriend brought up a YouTuber therapist named Dr. Honda...

What follows is a transcription of our conversation

Me: I hope he helps his patients find Accord in their lives

Her: Well therapy is only one Element to success

Me: He's just doing his Civic duty

Her: He gives them Clarity and Insight

Me: On their Odyssey through life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-L-Picard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.

If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenflame15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Dad dropped this one on me back in '77.

We were driving down a Texas road late at night in my Dads' 72 Pontiac Grand Prix when a bug spalts on the windshield. The kind that makes a thud and leaves a two inch puddle of elongated goo. Without turning his attention from the road my Dad asked:

"You know what the last thing was to go through that bugs mind ?"

Suddenly, expecting some philosophical insight my father had into death I quietly asked "What?"

My Dad takes a drag on his Winston, exhales, and still never looking away from the road says: "His ass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zandt88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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(step)Dadjoke tonight

So my step dad, mother, and I are on our way home from a pint night tonight when we got onto the conversation of twins. I was going back and forth with my mom, who as a nurse was giving insightful comments on the subject. My step dad quips in and asks if there's any specific parts of the US that are prone to fraternal or identical twins. We both are kinda confused for a second, and my mom says it's not a geographical thing but genetics. He then says he would have thought Minnesota would have been the place. I lost my shit. My mom was confused until she realized it was a baseball dadjoke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jahlovelol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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While buying a laptop

[At Best Buy]

Me: So I don't know anything about computers, do you have any insight for me?

Employee: Well, computer x is great, but computer y is just as good, and this week y is on sale and really would be the best value for your money.

Me: so...you're saying that it would be the best buy?

Employee: Yeah, but don't say that

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πŸ‘€︎ u/checkmate555
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
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Anyone have good dad facts?

Blatantly obvious fact but delivered in a way that they are expected to show insight!

Ex: You ever see the birds flying in a V?

Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?

Because there are more birds on the longer side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/opeboyal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
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My dad's first recorded dad joke

For a quick insight I want to be an astronaut and have a love for space.

Dad: how does NASA plan a party?

Me: I don't know, how?

Dad: they planet.

I laughed for a solid ten minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InhibitedTech96
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
🚨︎ report
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.

It will...be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report

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