Your undergraduate diploma was a complete waste of money, you should throw it in the fire.
That's a first degree burn.
I accidentally left some money in my jeans as they went through the wash.
I just worry because I know it’s illegal to launder money.
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
Did you hear about the seafood restaurant that will give you calamari in exchange for money?
They practice squid pro quo.
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
What do you call a soothsayer in it for the money?
I once asked someone how they made so much money in the restaurant industry.
He said that he stopped forking around.
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...
Pho Ton Torpedoes.
(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)
When the horse from the Himalayas ran in the Derby, I just had to put money on it to win...
I just had a feeling he was the one Tibetan.
Guys, I had a really exhausting day yesterday, filling in forms and calculating the surplus of money I had to pay to the country.
Making money in the dog exercising business
Money factories are the only thing in America I understand.
The irony of putting Tooth Fairy money in his How To Train Your Dragon bank
What a strange morning. First I find a hat full of money in the street and then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
I saw a sign at a roadside stand that read, ''Lobster Tails £1.5" so I stopped the car, walked over and handed my money to the proprietor. He looked me in the eyes, took a deep breath and said...
"Once upon a time there was this
lobster..."
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
So I was in class and my teacher said money makes the world go round
I need help! I am co-captain of a team to raise money for cancer. My team needs a name. I need to mix some element of cancer with Alice in Wonderland. I need a pun, and I figured this subreddit is the best place to go. Thanks
In the summer, I earn money by sprinkling tiny drops of water every morning on the front yards of rich people.
I don’t earn much, but I make dew.
The weirdest thing happened today... First I picked up a hat with money in it
Then I got chased by a guy with a guitar!
The actor for Skywalker in Star Wars made a lot of money from his work in the franchise.
One might say, it was Lucrative.
TIL that Cards Against Humanity joked that they could buy an island with the money they donate to charity, so they bought an island in Maine to preserve wildlife. They named it ‘Hawaii 2’ because “it’s on the Maine land.”
connecticut.cbslocal.com/…
What’s the best thing to put in a money salad?
Whenever I see a mime performing on the street, I always make sure I put my hand in my pocket and throw in some invisible money.
What is the number one money transfer service in Rome?
You were late for the meeting, you have to put money in the late jar.
I would, but it hasn't shown up yet.
Based on an actual exchange between myself and a coworker.
A robber found out a way to hide money in his pants so that he could avoid the cops, Injeanous right?
Did the laundry today and forgot my wallet in my pants pocket. Now im facing money laundering charges...
I am losing money in the roofing business.
I think it's because I keep making them on the house.
I asked the local pastor why the church thought it was ok to make money off the Bible. He said, “it’s clearly written in the syntax.”
Why was the Platypus rolling around in money?
Because he was a Billionaire
I'm a little low on money at the moment to buy Injustice 2. I plan on trading games back to GameStop even though I will get next to nothing for it. I'll even trade in my original Injustice game for it...
that's what I call poetic injustice.
In the UK "tuppence" refers to a small amount of money and is shorthand for a woman's vagina. In the US Trump-Pence involves a lot of money and describes a pair of penises.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tuppence
http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/14/politics/donald-trump-vice-presidential-choice/
In the Zelda games people often keep money in plant pots
They are probably trying to take advantage of the urned income tax credit
I put all my money in the bank once.
Then some bloody otters dug it up.
After finding money in the washing machine
"you better be careful or they will arrest you for money laundering"
It puts the money in the bank . . .
Did you hear about how much money the actor in Star Wars is getting paid to play Kylo Ren?
I heard he's making sith figures.
What d'you call the amount of money a fortune-teller can make in a month, making predictions? [OC]
Her prophet margin!
..Not sorry, I've got to build up my repertoire of original jokes before my daughter's old enough to groan at them.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
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