So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lovina9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I used a performance enhancer in the bedroom with my wife last night.

I wore a blindfold.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...

...she said "you love those dogs more than me".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tardiusmaximus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you say when your wife is so envious of your peanut butter obsession she wants to put it on herself in the bedroom?

DON'T BE JELLY!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bearnakedgamer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What does a pirate take when they've got doldrums in the bedroom?

Sea-alis.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Musicferret
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Every morning when my wife closes the bedroom door in our 1-bedroom apartment I tell her...

Have a great day at work hunny.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ReddiTurret
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife asked why I left a ladder in the bedroom.

I told her it was to help me get up in the morning.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You should not date an American woman if she hangs the flag of China in her bedroom

That is a big red flag.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/atom644
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Murdering your brother is fratricide, and your father would be patricide, but in the bedroom is...

Mattress-side.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jakeprops
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I woke up in the middle of the night to see the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom

At first, I was afraid. I was PETRIFIED

๐Ÿ‘︎ 35
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tyroneshoelaces121
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do I make my wife moan and groan in the bedroom at night?

I read her r/dadjokes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Phroedrick
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I just finished replacing the glass in my bedroom window

It was a real pane

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Payasin70
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
LPT: If you can't afford to heat your bedroom there are some places in the room that are warmer then others.

The corners for example are always 90 degrees

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/diviner_of_data
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In a one story house the walls are blue, the chairs are blue, the floor is blue, the lights are blue, the living room is blue, the bedrooms are blue, the kitchen is blue, even the air has a blueish tint. What color are the stairs?

The house is ONE STORY it has no stairs.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Be careful when dating someone who has the flag of the USSR in their bedroom

It's a big red flag

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rikeus
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?

He nuts and bolts

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Went to see my French friend, but when I got there he said there were no bedrooms left and I had to sleep in the basement.

Oh well, c'ellar vie.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Decided to turn things up a notch in the bedroom by seasoning my junk.

Turns out it's just a waste of thyme.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spitting_Moose
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is an aging magician's best friend onstage and greatest enemy in the bedroom?

Misdirection

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Evilmd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Intense in the Bedroom

My fiance and I were getting ready for bed. I was the first one to climb under the covers. For some reason it seems to be really cold when I first climb in, so I start rolling around frantically to generate some heat.

My fiance walks into the room and gives me a puzzled look.

> Her: Wow. You're looking intense, honey.

> Me: I'm not intense! I'm in a blanket!

The look on her face and the long groan was priceless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/themadnad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do tiny bakers spice it up in the bedroom?

Roll playing.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/saywhat23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In the bedroom, you can call me a mischievous seafaring Trojan on a quest

Because I like to get Argonaughty

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IAMA_Printer_AMA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.