A child with a speech impediment is dressed as a pirate. A man asks what are you. He says he is a birate. You mean a pirate? Yes a birate. Oh well then where are your buccaneers?

On each side of my buckin head you buckin idiot!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/durangozac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What do you call a PokΓ©mon with a speech impediment?

A Heliolisp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bean_boi_2400
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Why wouldn’t bootleggers work with anyone who had a speech impediment?

It was too whiskey!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeewbsontwitch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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A guy with a speach impediment asked my dad...

"Have you been in any wisky situacions?" My dad awnsered with "Not realy, I'm more of a scotch person."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonFireKitty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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My friend with a speech impediment got arrested for drug peddling.

He really made a meth of himself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lui_Le_Diamond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Did you hear about the escaped convict with a speech impediment?

He couldn’t finish his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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What do you call an old man with a sudden speech impediment?

An Ambulance. Difficulty speaking is a common sign of a stroke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Why was the janitor fired after he developed insomnia and a speech impediment?

He couldn't sweep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What does a druggie duck with a speech impediment like to do?

Quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/llehsadam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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my cousin with a speech impediment called from Antarctica the other day. . i asked him how was everything. . he said, "it's all white"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwoodreddit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
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What do you call a baby sheep with guns, a headband and a speech impediment?

Lambo. ^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^^sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lolq123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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A giraffe walks into a bar

He sits down.

"I'd like a Firley Temple, pleafe."

A biker nearby starts laughing.

"HAWHAWHAW, what kinda idiot talks like that?!"

"I have a fpeech impediment, I loft my teef in an acfident."

The biker keeps on laughing harder with every word.

"ALRIGHT THAT'F IT! YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET GIRAFFE-KICKED!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crick_Elf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Everything in the world is easier said than done

Unless you have a speech impediment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I asked my dad if he wanted to watch Thor

He said "Thure" and then slapped his knee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megannotmeagan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
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The parable of Donkey

It's a cold November evening and 2 men out on the town. They enter a bar and approach the keeper. One man says to the other man "Hey Donkey, I think it's your turn" and walks off to use the toilet.

Donkey looks at the bar keeper and says "T-T-T-T-T-Two B-B-B-B-Beers Ppppppppp-Ppppplease"

Given his speech impediment, the keeper feels sorry for the man and say "Do you mind him calling you Donkey"

Donkey looks sadly at the keeper and say "He-aw-He-aw-He always calls me that"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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Why did the rock fail geology class?

Because it had a sediment impediment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyndcaller
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2015
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A guy walks into a bakery

The baker says, "Hello. What can I get you?"

"Yes, I'd like a p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while wringing his hands.

The baker looks at him confused, "I'm sorry, what type of cobbler?"

"A p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while starting to sweat.

The baker says, "Do you mean a peach cobbler?"

The guy smiles and nods his head, "Yes, that's what I meant. Sorry, I have peach impediment."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elyas_machera
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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My nephew is on par to be the world's youngest dad

Okay so this one may not be too special, but I thought it was hilarious. My nephew has a slight speech impediment which made it all the better.

I was visiting my brother and his family over the weekend. I decided to take the kids to the store so I yelled down the hall for my nephew (7 years old and sitting in his gitch) to get dressed. My niece who was also in the room said "I am dressed". Immediately after I heard this tiny little giggle followed by "hi dressed, I'm Isaac".

No one taught him this. All natural. The father is strong in this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyBunch21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2014
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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