If— Puns

(This is more parody/satire than a pun, but I tried to make sure it had puns.)

1. No more than half the people attending can wear trucker hats.

2. The fences must be measured and spaced using meters. It doesn't matter if you're putting them in someone's yard.

3. If you pull up a fence post, you cannot reuse it. In fact, you cannot use recycled posts from other people's yards.

4. Don't keep up with the Jones'. But if you can't avoid this, make sure you give the Jones' the credit due for coming up with it first.

5. You can bring lunch as sort of a potluck affair, but do not bring canned meat products from Hormel.

6. If you bring a fence post, it must look like a fence post. If it might be confused with something else, make sure the box or protective wrapping calls it a fence post.

7. When announcing the event, you are not allowed to make references to punch or people getting in line for punch. Just like Fight Club...

For now, we have no rule about promoting one stock car event over another as you work, or discussing other controversial matters. That won't change as long as you don't abuse this. Please keep your fence posts in good taste and suitable for all audiences. But if you do bring risque fence posts, make sure to cover them with a shroud labeled adult only, and I won't pull them up, provided the other rules are followed.

...an ether/oar situation...

I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

“I play a little guitar!"

I’d have $8.40.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

It's a faux pa.

Because it’s capsized.

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

my birthday would be 24/7

I said okay... Bi den.

It’s an LGBT Queue

You get them VERY ANGRY

I had to get a running start but I made it!

They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles!

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

A pool table.

The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”

No need to remind her every half hour.

The librarian said "Sure!! What volume would you like?"

But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'

An iWitness.

....and the second one Duplikate.

Sealion

Is that copyright infridgement?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

It's a whiteboard

Because sin 90 = cot 45.

So Khan you.

You know where I am.

Then Soviet

He said: "Sure, knock yourself out!"

Buff Wellington

I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”

Grapeful.

I said "Because you're Russian me."

That was the punchline

Purrrgatory

European

She said go ahead.

I stood up said “plethora” and sat back down.

“Thank you”, the grieving widow responded, “it means a lot”

I said, "I didn't know he could!"

I said “I didn’t know he could.”

And I'll name the other DupliKate