A man goes to the hospital where his dad is hospitalized.
The nurse says, "I am sorry sir your Dad is pronounced dead.
The man says, " I can't believe I have been pronouncing it wrong the whole time.
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
John Travolta was hospitalized earlier today for suspected COVID-19.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
My wife and I were recently hospitalized for very severe, persistent headaches. After a few hours of testing and waiting
I informed my wife that we had ourgrains
What did my donkey do when I was hospitalized?
A man is hospitalized after having sex with a horse...
...He was last reported as being in stable condition.
Lady Gaga was recently hospitalized in Colorado with altitude sickness
"I guess she was too high." - Dad.
A hospital pun in these covid times!
A man was admitted at the hospital with 25 plastic toy horses in his rectum.
Doctors report his condition as stable.
I said "Something is wrong with these kids, we've got to get them to the hospital..."
"What is it?" said my wife.
"Well, it's a big building with a bunch of patients. But that's not important right now."
In an unexpected turn of events my apathetic Muslim friend just opened an eye hospital
He calls it "Asif Eye Care".
Poor guy just left the hospital after having half his body amputated
It cost him an arm and a leg
A man walks into a hospital ward and starts inspecting the bed charts.
A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"
The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.
"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"
Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.
"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"
Visiting a friend at the hospital & noticed that all the nurses had red crayons
Found out they need them to draw blood
who is the coolest guy in the hospital?
How does a pig get to the hospital?
What hospital extension do you call for women going into labor?
A pregnant lady comes into the hospital screaming "CANNOT!! WILL NOT!!"
The doctor takes one look at her and says "She is going into false labor."
The nurse asks "How can you tell??"
"No contractions."
What's the roundabout outside of a psychiatric hospital called?
Did youhear about the dog that sat outside a hospital for an entire day
Why was Picasso rushed to the hospital?
He had a stroke of genius.
What would you call a hospital for horses?
What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?
What type of doctor is always ready to go to the hospital?
A woman is sick in the hospital. Doctors tell her she only has days to live. She summons for her husband because she has something important to tell him. He rushes to the hospital.
When he arrives she says “I’ve decided what I want for dinner.”
My friend Poi just told me that when the hospital was filling out her daughter’s birth certificate, they accidentally listed her as a boy.
I guess you could say that girl is Poi’s Son.
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
I went in to hospital for a routine operation and was furious when I woke up to find the surgeon had given me a lobotomy
I can tell you, he sure got a piece of my mind.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
What's the biggest difference between male patients in a mental hospital and their female nurses?
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I've just lost my job at the hospital, shaving patients in preparation for spinal surgery...
Because of all the cut backs.
Who is the coolest person at the hospital
A toothless old lady in hospital always gave away the peanuts she was given by her visitors to the nurses to eat.
One day a nurse asked her why she didn't ask for grapes instead of nuts.She replied that you can't get grapes with chocolate coating!
Which part of a hospital is the best place to play hide and seek?
My son asked me why I bought a saddle for my father who’s in the hospital
I said, “Because he’s bedridden”
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.
Doctors say he is in stable condition.
What part of the hospital has the least privacy?
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?
The doctor says “He’s alright”
The nurse follows “There’s nothing left!
When pornstars go to hospital....
....do they get XXX rays ?
My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital. “Two EMTs?” I asked her...
...don’t you mean “pair o’ medics”?
What do hospital gowns and insurance have in common?
You think you're covered, but, you're not.
I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital with my little kids...
...but they found me in the ICU.
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
My grandson was taken to the hospital because he swallowed a $5 bill
I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
Edit: this joke was straight up stolen from professional comedian Nick Nemeroff. I heard it on the radio so I didn’t have his name handy and thought it was awesome for this sub and had to post it before I forgot it. Thanks to Nick for commenting here below so that I could give him credit.
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside him
The doctor described his condition as stable!
John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected Covid-19 ...
... but doctors have now confirmed that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they can now assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses.
His condition has been described as stable.
A man was admitted to hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
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