I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.

Beep repaired.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Furiously honks car horn in the middle of no where without a car in sight.

Kids: looks up from their phones, β€œwhy did you do that for?”

Dad: β€œto scare away the elephants!”

Kids: β€œwhat elephants?!!”

Dad: β€œsee it’s working!”

β€”β€”

Thank you! Thank you very much!

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crewthsr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an expert wine taster from the horn of Africa?

A Somalier

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peva3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t mean to toot my own horn

But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.

πŸ‘︎ 752
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?

Beep Repaired!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmbossman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with horns painted red?

Moocifer

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?

So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to β€œput the kettle on” I respond β€œI can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked β€œdo you need a bag” I point at her and say β€œit’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.

I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batchyyyyy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't like to toot my own horn,

But that's why I'm a terrible trumpet player.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whudaboutit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jechaking
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.

Who knew she was able to breed unicornias

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?

Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyndacyndaquill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My car horn wasn’t working, so I took it to a Boy Scout.

He fixed it and said, β€œBeep repaired”

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with a corn cob instead of a horn

A punicorn

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooterscadoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: β€œThis isn’t deodorant.”

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I blew out my subwoofer yesterday

I’ve never felt so debased

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Verilagus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck

πŸ‘︎ 207
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?

It's called a unicornea.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhalesWails
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Japanese bull say just before killing someone with its horns?

Omaewa moo shindeiru

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shameless_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with its horn cut off?

A eunuchorn

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grammatikaas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a cow’s car horn sounds like?

Beef beef

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the point of a Narwhal's horn?

The tip of it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Punniest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Dear driver of the car behind me.

Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If a unicorn is a horse with one horn...

a horse with zero horns is an acorn.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tripoblast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If ants had horns what will they be called?

antlers..

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dullbrowny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How to draw a horse in two steps:
  1. Draw a unicorn.
  2. Erase his horn.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call horns for insects?

Ant-lers

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate to toot my own horn, but.....

Traffic is horrible!!!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joe2u2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing says "oH lOoK aT mE" like someone playing a tuba.

Fucking attention horns.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buffaloshnit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
You’ll chuckle when you figure it out. :)
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Seismologists predict a 9.2 magnitude earthquake will hit the Horn of Africa region.

It will really shake Djibouti.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Historyguy1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad’s horse grew a horn out of its forehead after it ate this strange mutant maize.

It was a real unique corn.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Physical dad jokes
  • Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
  • Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
  • Intentionally missing a high five.
  • Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
  • Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.

What else have you got?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been learning to play a Ram’s Horn.

Shofar so good.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jefferyt51
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Not to toot my own horn but...

Honk!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Muffinman54lit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Cows wear the bells

Because their horns don't work. Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JNaik14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, but it's not your turn Scooby!"

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

πŸ‘︎ 474
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aashma360
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear a bell?

Because their horns don't work.

πŸ‘︎ 881
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bjornsbestfriend
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a unicorn with no horn?

A eunuch-corn.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

πŸ‘︎ 244
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.