I got my car horn fixed at a Lion King themed shop called Scar's Auto Body.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Furiously honks car horn in the middle of no where without a car in sight.
Kids: looks up from their phones, βwhy did you do that for?β
Dad: βto scare away the elephants!β
Kids: βwhat elephants?!!β
Dad: βsee itβs working!β
ββ
Thank you! Thank you very much!
π︎ 52
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
What do you call an expert wine taster from the horn of Africa?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
I donβt mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driverβs seat.
π︎ 752
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
The Egyptian government has asked Cairoβs taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm βEm will last a week.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
What do you call a cow with horns painted red?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.
It was a toot and car moon.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to βput the kettle onβ I respond βI canβt, it wonβt fitβ or if weβre shopping and Iβm asked βdo you need a bagβ I point at her and say βitβs fine I brought my ownβ there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I don't like to toot my own horn,
But that's why I'm a terrible trumpet player.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.
Who knew she was able to breed unicornias
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?
Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jan 14 2020
My car horn wasnβt working, so I took it to a Boy Scout.
He fixed it and said, βBeep repairedβ
π︎ 266
π
︎ Feb 25 2019
What do you call a unicorn with a corn cob instead of a horn
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Oct 19 2017
{air horn sound}
{second air horn sound}
Me: βThis isnβt deodorant.β
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
I blew out my subwoofer yesterday
Iβve never felt so debased
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
What has one horn and gives milk?
π︎ 207
π
︎ Dec 22 2018
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 14 2019
What does Japanese bull say just before killing someone with its horns?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 04 2019
What do you call a unicorn with its horn cut off?
π︎ 90
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
What does a cowβs car horn sounds like?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 11 2019
What's the point of a Narwhal's horn?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
Dear driver of the car behind me.
Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
If a unicorn is a horse with one horn...
a horse with zero horns is an acorn.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
If ants had horns what will they be called?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
How to draw a horse in two steps:
- Draw a unicorn.
- Erase his horn.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
How do you call horns for insects?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 06 2019
I hate to toot my own horn, but.....
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 21 2019
Nothing says "oH lOoK aT mE" like someone playing a tuba.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Youβll chuckle when you figure it out. :)
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
Seismologists predict a 9.2 magnitude earthquake will hit the Horn of Africa region.
It will really shake Djibouti.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 10 2019
My dadβs horse grew a horn out of its forehead after it ate this strange mutant maize.
It was a real unique corn.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 04 2018
Physical dad jokes
- Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
- Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
- Intentionally missing a high five.
- Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
- Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.
What else have you got?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
Iβve been learning to play a Ramβs Horn.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 08 2018
Not to toot my own horn but...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
Why do Cows wear the bells
Because their horns don't work.
Β―_(γ)_/Β―
π︎ 64
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, but it's not your turn Scooby!"
π︎ 197
π
︎ May 08 2019
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
π︎ 474
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Why do cows wear a bell?
Because their horns don't work.
π︎ 881
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
What do you call a unicorn with no horn?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 13 2018
What has one horn and gives milk?
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 06 2018
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns donβt work.
π︎ 244
π
︎ May 21 2020
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