How do you steal a hoodie?

You jack-et

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👤︎ u/betchhxx
📅︎ Apr 23 2020
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I have got a magical hoodie

I call it hoodieni

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👤︎ u/19lucio98
📅︎ Oct 02 2019
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The store told me they would sell me a hoodie with a hood that couldn’t close

They said they would sell it to me no strings attached.

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📅︎ Mar 31 2019
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Why would Tom Hiddleston wear a hoodie and sunglasses?

He's trying to be Loki

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📅︎ Feb 26 2018
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I've been wearing hoodies...

...before it was cool.

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👤︎ u/hugeuvula
📅︎ Jan 16 2021
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found on r/AskReddit
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📅︎ Jun 22 2020
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Drill sergeants like wearing aluminum hoodies.

They're full metal jackets after all.

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📅︎ Mar 09 2019
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I looked in the mirror and realized how hot I've become

I have to stop wearing hoodies on summer.

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👤︎ u/Slymood
📅︎ Sep 17 2020
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I like wearing small hoodies,

They are just hard to pull off.

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📅︎ Oct 27 2016
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What do you get when you cross LeVar Burton with Sylvester Stallone?

Reading Rambo.

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📅︎ May 27 2018
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Dad joked by my little cousin.

My little cousin is obsessed with Star Wars and knows way more than anyone I know; so I got him some Lego Star Wars sets and a dearth vader hoodie. Later that night he came up and says,

"How warm is the temperature inside a ton ton?"

"Uh, I'm not sure dude hot warm?"

"Luke warm..."

I've never been more proud of him.

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📅︎ Dec 24 2013
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Dad joked my Dad today.

He bought me some bulk work hoodies for my birthday.

Me: "These are so heavy and well made, thanks Dad"

Dad: "And they're water proof too!"

Me: "So how do I wash them?"

Any good?

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👤︎ u/lyndy
📅︎ May 11 2014
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A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me

Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.

It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"

He was holding one in his hand.

His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.

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👤︎ u/bachrock37
📅︎ Apr 14 2015
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So my dad joked my mum...

My dad is a night owl and my mum is an early bird, meaning he has a good few hours to plot and scheme his dadjokes...

Well the other evening, he decided to scare the living daylights out of my mum by drawing a face on a melon, stuffing it in a hoodie with rubber-gloves, shoes and jeans and posed it in our morning room.

Now my mum gets up real early, and walks around the house in a grumpy daze, grumbling, scratching and squinting and whatnot with a grim face looking for something to nag about, so you can imagine the sheer pride he (probably) felt wrapped up in bed with that dumb dadjoke grin from his "Hilarious prank", to hear a loud "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" coming from across the hall.

Needless to say i'm pretty sure she found something to nag about that morning.

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📅︎ Apr 27 2014
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Dinner dad joke

So we just sat down at a pizza place and my dad is wearing a neon green hoodie from working as a parking lot attendant

Waitress: well your hoodie is really bright!

Dad: thanks! I just charged it up!

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👤︎ u/ATmotoman
📅︎ Dec 16 2013
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Train station attendant was a Dad.

The bus ride to the station had been very stressful. I spent the entire time worrying if the bus even stopped at the train station. I ended up spending nearly an hour making two loops around the city before I finally realized that I had to hop off near the station. Public transport. Jesus.

I'd missed the train I wanted to catch due to my hour-long bus ride, so I had some time to kill before the next one arrived. It had been cold and raining when I left in the morning, but by lunch time it was warm and I was sweating, standing on the station in a big yellow hoodie and jeans.

I had overslept and skipped breakfast earlier, so I resolved not to let the loud farts coming from the old man next to me kill my appetite. I was desperate for a snack.

Initially the vending machine told me it would accept "EXACT CHANGE ONLY". Slightly annoying, but no real problem: I just fished out my change, inserted some alternative coins and punched in the number. I watched the object of my desire inch forwards, ready to drop into the bottom where I could collect it. For some reason I was terrified that it might get stuck. Robbed by a robot, how embarrassing. Luckily the packet fell into the tray. Finally something was going my way.

As I reached into the bottom of the machine and pushed open the metal door, it suddenly stuck. It was wedged in place and the gap was too small for my snack to fit through. "Motherfucker..." I whispered under my breath.

But I was too invested to give up now. Determined not to be beaten by a bloody machine, I pulled hard and the packet burst, spilling chips into the tray. I managed to salvage about half of the crisps and ate them greedily. Partially crushed, but still deliciously cheesy.

At this point it occurred to me that perhaps I should tell the station operator that the vending machine was broken. I walked up to the ticket office and saw a bored, tired looking man in his forties. "I just thought I'd let you know the vending machine is jammed," I announced.

The attendant got up, walked over over to the vending machine and gave it a solid kick, dislodging the little metal door which had foiled me. When he turned to me again his expression had changed from boredom to amusement. "So what flavour was it then? Strawberry?"

I groaned, but couldn't resist a smile.

I knew it was going to be a good day.


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👤︎ u/Revoran
📅︎ Oct 30 2014
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