She was a real party pooper
My daughter said yes, and I replied, “So you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”
Because it was a little coffee.
Shirts? Yup. Pants? Yup. Sweatpants? Yup. Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
She’s now my quaranteen.
It was his ex-tradition
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
When a chap in a van pulls up gets out and says there is a new leather sette and a leather chair in the van you can have it free of charge.
We decided to take it to our house. I told my dad expecting him to be pleased. Instead he came over and clipped my ear with the back of his hand.
Crying i said what was that for. My dad said How many times do i have to tell you. DONT TAKE SUITES OFF STRANGERS!
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Police said it was a dead giveaway.
I said the shovel
Dear Dad,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie.
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad
His father asks him: “Son, what’s that on your back?”
The son answers: “It’s my bag, dad”
Dad: damn! What will those kids throw at you next?
Me: Oh yeah, what was it on?
Her: Paper.
I was so proud.
His mom ask's,"Why are you home so early?"
He answered"Because I was the only one who answered a question correctly."
Well, my son the genius.What was the question?"she continued.
"Whose the little shit that laid the tac down on my chair?"
So I went to the drug store and bought him the best Axe Scent money can buy!
I replied, "Which school does the dog go to?"
Because he was being astronaughty
My daughter new from the opener this was one of my made up cringmiesters.
He then accidentally says “I hate tennis man” as he is used to being at school and complaining ;) His dad then responds by saying “who’s tennis man and what has he done to you” The son then looks like he wants to throw himself off a bridge
He went sicko mode
He said "Iran"
Don’t worry honey he’s just going through a phase.
On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what it’s doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny can’t believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says “You’re not going to believe what I just saw”
“What happened Johnny” says his mom
“This car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woods”
The mom then says “now little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully let’s not use those words. Let’s say rectum instead”
Johnny then replies
“Wrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!”
That is nothing under C level.
You could say there is a growing lack of attend-dance.
I said, salt vinegar pepper mustard....
... and noticed 3 pieces of meat hanging from the celing upon entering his house. The boy asks his father, "What's this about?" The dad replies, "If you can jump up and slap the meat, you don't have to do any chores for the next month. However, if you miss, you have to do your chores and your brother's chores, along with no video games for a month. Still wanna do it?" The boy replies, "No thanks, I'm good." The dad responds, "I figured you would say that, I did raise the steaks pretty high."
Son: Hey dad, we had a pop quiz today. Me: You had a quiz to see if you know the difference from Dr Pepper and Pepsi?
(If you're not from the Midwest you might not get it)
He was so proud of what he learned and told me, "Today I learned about Photosynthesis, like a moss"
Foamwork.
What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor.
Mom's boyfriend: Do you know anything about Jazz? Me: What? Him: Get J'azz back in school.
"I'd go back for it, but I don't have the time."
Me: (looks up) Wow! There's not a single cloud in the sky!
Daughter: (looks up) What are you talking about?
Me: There's not.
Daughter: Dad, there are like... (gets it) Daughter: (scowls)
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Dear dad,
University i$ really great.
I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie.
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
dad
Dear dad,
University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $usie
I immediately replied back…
Dear Susie,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, dad
H
