Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!

Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.

Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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This got me hinged
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gold-Might-948
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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What rhymes with orange.

No it doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Remo1975
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"

We opened for The Doors

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Why is a beautiful woman like a hinge?

Because she is something to adore.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her she’s wrong.

Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marfalump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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If any of you know how to fix broken hinges

My door is always open

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissouriFred
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What's similar between hang, hinge and hong

NotHing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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People just keep saying, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

I keep telling them, "No it doesn't!"

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Hinge
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmericanChief
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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My son asked me why I was taking his bedroom door off the hinges.

We've updated our privacy policy.

πŸ‘︎ 992
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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My nickname for my wife is β€œhinge.

Because she is something to adore.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scorchedgoat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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Some well considered puns

From an email my cousin sent me:

I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.

I was kidnapped by mimes, they did unspeakable things to me.

The finest shoes are made of smooth leather, my opinion will never be suede.

A perfectionist walked into a bar - apparently it wasn't set high enough.

Man injured in bizarre peek-a-boo accident! He's in ICU.

Went to this horrible bar called "The Fiddle" ... it really was a vile inn.

To the thief who stole my glasses, I will find you - I have contacts.

If any of you knows how to fix hinges my door is always open.

Police car loses wheels to thief! Cops are working tirelessly to nab suspect.

Cold? Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

If your guy doesn't appreciate fresh fruit puns let that mango.

A few puns make me numb but math puns make me number.

My friend was explaining electricity and I was like "Watt"?

Someone threw a jar of mayo at me, I was like "What the hellman?"

Where did the Terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, back.

Due to the quarantine I'll only be doing inside jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eli_Truax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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If anyone has a tip on how to fix broken hinges,just drop on in.

My door is always open.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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My wife said, "Nothing rhymes with orange"

I said no

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyesboyee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Wearing out the hinges

My friend had her Facebook taken over by her brother for the second time in two days. First post was "I'm gay" to which she posted the obligatory "Oh no I left my phone unlocked" status. Today her Dad made an amazing comment on the latest status.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KasplooshNA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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Pulled a door off its hinges for this one.

I recently found out it's easy to take our doors off their hinges and felt the need to make this joke. http://imgur.com/gallery/qQNlty7

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killersoda275
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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A friend of mine said to me the other day "What rhymes with Orange?"

I said "No it doesn't."

πŸ‘︎ 528
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondUnicorn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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When is a door not a door?

When I take it off the hinges and turn it into my new workbench because you won't stop slamming it, young man!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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My wife doesn’t think I can install knobs on our cabinets

But I can handle it

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I pondered for a while and thought..."No, it doesn't."

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
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Can't believe he stole my gate...

Got my whole Tafe class with this, thanks to a good setup from a mate. He says: I can't believe that guy stole your gate! The class: what the hell? Me: yeah, I was watering my front lawn, and this bloke walks up to my gate, looks at me, picks my gate up off its hinges and walked off with it! The class: what??? You didn't say anything?!! Me: no, I didn't want him to take a-fence... The class: laughs and groans of disappointment as they realize they fell for it.

πŸ‘︎ 947
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fondles_McGraw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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I've put all of my savings into a door hanging company.

There's alot hinging on its sucess.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoscoeMG
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin β€” a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp β€” but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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My SO needs the bedroom door locked at night. I've never *not* locked it, but he checks. I asked why he didn't trust me...

He said, "I don't know, I guess it hinges on some things."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkwise13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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I work at a door factory. I will be leaving employment there on Tuesday. I need them to "love me" I need puns stat!

Sorry, but all I have is, I need ADOORable puns.

Thank you guys, keep it coming!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ldr_Jag_Man
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
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If any of you know how to fix broken hinges

My door is always open

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apapipay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be in a band called "the hinges".

We opened for the doors.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nkiehl
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What rhymes with orange?

No it doesn't, "what" sounds nothing like "orange"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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What rhymes with orange?

No it doesn’t

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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If any of you guys know how to fix a broken hinge,

My door is wide open.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"

I said "No it doesn't"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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What rhymes with orange

No, it doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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Daughter: What rhymes with orange

#Dad: No it doesn't

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/royaj77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What rhymes with orange

No it doesn't

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akaijii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
🚨︎ report

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