Pray to ELOhim.
Every time I ask her to leave she just says “namaste.”
You take away her blanket
Guess that's why they call it paradice
Eliphino...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
I went to an amusement park yesterday based on the Underworld. I had a hell of a time.
You boil the hell out of it
So this is a true story, and maybe I’ll go to hell for telling it, but I expect I’ll meet the actual perpetrator there:
At baseball practice last night, a coach asked if I’d seen the rabbit — the dead one. What? He had me look by a fence where there wasn’t a dead bunny, but HALF of one: Literally (and eerily) just the bottom half, with the top completely missing. Still shuddering over this.
Properly disposed of it and was feeling unsettled, but sprung right back to true dad form when he jokingly accused me of harming the rabbit. I told him that he knew it couldn’t have been me — I’ve never been one to split hares
There's no whey in hell.
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
It was an unexpected Journey.
Aren’t men allowed to laugh?
The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?
To which the second man says: he's new to Tea
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “hell no, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
That'll let God know, that I've been through hell already.
Should have used the driver.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
We’re sat in traffic and the car in front has a “watch for motorbikes” bumper sticker on it.
Me: hmmmm watch for motorbikes Wife: suspicious head turn Me: must be one hell of an expensive watch Wife: sigh
He said: "I heaven't"
That's last time I buy off-brand tires...
He yells: "What the hell are you doing, Some_Dumb_Dude?!"
I say: "What's with the tone? You have to use Kindle to make a fire, Right?
'Ba dum tss'
He just sighs. "I hate you."
You boil the hell out of it!
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
