I was going to stop all my bad habits for the new year

Then I remembered nobody likes a quitter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scott3109
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"

They didn't like it when I retaliated with...

"Daughturds"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards

It was nail-biting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog Minton has a terrible habit of eating shuttlecocks....

Bad Minton.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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My wife left me because I made too many Linkin Park references

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

πŸ‘οΈŽ 83
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
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So I picked up a pretty bad smoking habit...

My son hates it... he always likes to tell me β€œdad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, β€œNo son. Smoking causes ashes”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaSuperior
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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My friend Anne has the habit of hiring & firing people...

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2020
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My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sisters do for fun in the convent?

Nun of our business really, but I suspect it's habit-forming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 26 2020
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I have a bad habit of ripping up my artwork if I don't like it.

I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/this_time_i_mean_it
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you pronounce the acronym for the Second Home Habitation Helpers?

"SHHH" "What - I'm just trying to ask a question!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MunkyPants
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlackJones2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I took all the crab legs at the all you can eat buffet

I have shellfish eating habits

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RZN_AZ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Bought a book about my procrastination habit

I'll read it tomorrow

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Charlieb2007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2020
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Why do nuns wear black?

It's a habit they get into.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ag25666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 686
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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Textbook addiction

is a really expensive habit to support

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/al666in
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?

Because that work is habit forming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JollyRancherReminder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do nuns go to confession?

So they convent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dave_Paker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What part of northern Canada is habitable?

Nunavut

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thats_Folked_Up
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
nuns are literally creatures of habit
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2019
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I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2019
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I had to give up my habit of eating clocks

It was just too time consuming

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LevelVS
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A scientist sits down with some colleagues at the lab cafeteria:

"Oh hi Bill! We were just discussing the promiscuous mating habits of blood-sucking arachnids." Bill abruptly grabs his tray and stands up to leave.

"Sorry guys. I don't discuss poly ticks at work."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Make_it_perfect
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a big fan of playing different songs together

You can say that I am medley in love with it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about old habits...

you can buy them from a boot sale at a convent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I wonder if nuns ever pick up bad habits
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
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Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies, because you know what they say about old habits...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on dead trees

Knock on wood.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever my friend walks into a room, he has this weird habit of taking the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my Priest if there were any habits that he couldn't break.

He replied that he prays everyday religiously.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GummyMcFatstacks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has this weird habit of naming all the fish he catches.

Yesterday he scaled Mount Everest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Archie Bunker was forced to choose between his wife and his drinking habit.

You can’t have your keg and Edith, too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I kicked a nasty habit today.

Consequently, the nun wearing it filed assault charges against me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that back in the day, Jesus had a habit of leaving doors open all the time.

It’s like he was born in a barn or something.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotYourAverageTree
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a nasty habit.

But then I got it dry cleaned.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coot32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Just downloaded a habit tracker

Where my nuns at ?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shagraxshagrax
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have this bad habit

Of not finishing the

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sowyy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of not finishing things
πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Nuns are creatures of habit.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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