Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
Because he is not the best of the mall
I guess you could say he's an Ali-gator
I thought it was a little condescending.
The Go-stop-o
Feel free to disagree, thatβs just my two scents.
you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh
Or is that considered cheating?
Because he was too far out man.
Cavity searches.
When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.
Guardians of the Galaxies
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
A guardian of the galaxy!
The poolice
I tell everyone sheβs into human trafficking.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
one watches cells and one sells watches
You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.
That's just creepy...
As if i care who that Guy FΓΓΓΓs.
They have to yell βDonald, Duck!β
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I donβt know who you are.
As he arrived, he decided to go fishing, so he did. But tragedy struck and his boat hit a rock, making a hole. The man, as anyone would do, called the coast guard and yelled "IM SINKING IM SINKING!"
the German Coast Guard casually replied, "what are you sinking about?"
A bouncer
Mid-knight.
They hold a con-test.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese? 3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
Is a practice thats sentries old
Theyβre calling themselves the Guard-Ians of the Galaxy.
Sir Prise
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘Guard: "I'm not mad. Just very disappointed. "
REMEMBER KIDS....NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
But it only works one weekend out of the month.
Barry R.
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
They're both known for their holiness
A blonde, brunette and a red head escape from prison. While running across a field they hear the guards coming and being tired, the red head suggested hiding in some potato sacks they found.
When the guards reached the sacks one kicked the bag containing the red head, she went meow meow. "Just a sack of kittens" said the guard. Then he kicked the brunettes bag, she went woof woof. "Just a bag of puppies". Lastly he kicked the blondes bag and she went potato potato.
Because he was too far out, man
The Guardians of the Galaxy
I say, βSheβs into human trafficking.β
Guardians of the Galaxy
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
Guardian of the Galaxy
Guardians of the Galaxy
