Grease 2 Puns

Lots of de-grease.

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

They were cooked in grease

Use Dawn. It takes Grease out of your whey.

Chilled grease!

Dawn, it's tough on grease.

A drop of twilight and grease is there

It is Ancient Grease.

They were fried in grease!

But Dawn is tough on Grease

Because they were made in grease.

(Told to me by one of my students because I like bad jokes)

It was found in ancient grease.

Because I see a lot turkey and grease.

Her: "Urban Italy looks like a bad place to be with a rented car."

Me: "Yeah, I suppose there are some very old & busy cities there."

Her: "I don't know if I could do it. My Dad drove in Greece and that was bad enough."

Me: "Oof yeah, sounds sketchy. Though you'd think they'd have cleaned it up by now."

Her: ?

Me: "The grease."

Because he thought it would make his herring grease.

They were fried in grease.

Credit: Bob &Tom in the Morning All Me Baby. No credit to anyone else.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

They can both 'Zorb all that Grease.

This stupid song from the movie Grease comes on the radio and my wife asked, "Do you know what part of the movie they sing this song in?". I said , " The worst part?" She said," No the end." And my son replied, "So the best?"

I made cornbread tonight and used bacon grease to grease the pan. When I flipped the pan onto a plate and it came out clean, I said "thank you, lard"

Ancient Grease.

I was telling my dad about how we just got our car back from being fixed at our local mechanic and had a pretty disappointing experience. I had to call back several times only to find that there would be further delays (5 days total) until the car was repaired and after 'cleaning' the car and they left grease marks everywhere - including all over the windows, on the steering wheel and door handles.

My dad cut in with "at least you could slip through the traffic easily".

Mom- We're going to Rome, then we're going to Greece and we're going to Mount Olympus.

Me- Where are you roaming to? What are you greasing? And I don't think its safe to mount Olympus.

I had to run a couple of errands between then and now, so my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll do best.

Friend 1: "Sarah"

Friend 2: "Shawn"

Future dad: "Sam"

Sarah: There is no good way to eat a taco. (There is a dismembered taco sitting on her plate.)

Shawn: I know, right? It's seriously the worst-designed food, like, ever.

Sarah: Back in [hometown], there's this restaurant that sells authentic Mexican tacos. There's no grease or anything, just chunks of chicken with guacamole and salsa and a bit of cheese on top, and it's SO GOOD. I really shouldn't even talk about them, it's just making me homesick.

Sam: You mean you shouldn't taco 'bout them?

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

Me: ouch!

Wife: did you get hit with bacon grease?

Me: yeah. Right in the eyelid.

Wife: Good thing it didn't actually go in your eye

Me: yeah, I never would've looked at bacon the same way again

Coworker: My daughter actually just spent a year in Greece.

Dad: Oh really? How's her complexion?

Coworker: Huh?

Dad: Spending a year in grease can't be good for her skin.

I currently work in a deli and a coworker and I were doing some deep cleaning behind our fryers. We noticed a bit of grease build up on the electrical plugs. She unplugged them and I mentioned I wonder if grease conducts electricity. She blurted out, "It would shock me if it did."

They were really cooked in Grease

They were made in Grease.

They come from grease.

Contrary to popular belief, the first french fries were not cooked in France! They were cooked in Grease..

They where made in grease.

They were cooked in Grease.

They were first cooked in Grease.

They're cooked in grease!