What do you cook fries with?

Lots of de-grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Antihuman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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The first French fries weren't cooked in France

They were cooked in grease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhench78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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How do you get John Travolta out of your cheese?

Use Dawn. It takes Grease out of your whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What do you call a refrigerated grilled cheese?

Chilled grease!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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What's the best time of day to wash your engine?

Dawn, it's tough on grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nano_Jragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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If twilight is the opposite of dawn then...

A drop of twilight and grease is there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toady-The-Load
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Archaeologists have discovered an oil stain that might be more than a thousand years old.

It is Ancient Grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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TIL French Fries were not originally fried in France.

They were fried in grease!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Cabbage_Corp_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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The Greek army is very good at night

But Dawn is tough on Grease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManCaveGamer2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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Did you know French fries don’t come from France?

Because they were made in grease.

(Told to me by one of my students because I like bad jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyderpig89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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In which European city was oldest donut discovered: Paris, London, Berlin, Athens or Rome?

It was found in ancient grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Are you on the Mediterranean Diet?

Because I see a lot turkey and grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/somedude-1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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My girlfriend and I were talking about driving in foreign countries.

Her: "Urban Italy looks like a bad place to be with a rented car."

Me: "Yeah, I suppose there are some very old & busy cities there."

Her: "I don't know if I could do it. My Dad drove in Greece and that was bad enough."

Me: "Oof yeah, sounds sketchy. Though you'd think they'd have cleaned it up by now."

Her: ?

Me: "The grease."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robcap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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Why did the bald man put fish oil on his head?

Because he thought it would make his herring grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arbaminim
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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The First 'French Fries' weren't fried in France.

They were fried in grease.

Credit: Bob &Tom in the Morning All Me Baby. No credit to anyone else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trevo525
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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How is Zorba the Greek like a paper towel?

They can both 'Zorb all that Grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henri_Dupont
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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My son and I double Dad Joked my wife

This stupid song from the movie Grease comes on the radio and my wife asked, "Do you know what part of the movie they sing this song in?". I said , " The worst part?" She said," No the end." And my son replied, "So the best?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeybassturd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
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Corn bread

I made cornbread tonight and used bacon grease to grease the pan. When I flipped the pan onto a plate and it came out clean, I said "thank you, lard"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptMercaptan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
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What do you call bacon that's 100 days old?

Ancient Grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilABustArr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2014
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Trust dad to make light of a disappointing experience at the local mechanic

I was telling my dad about how we just got our car back from being fixed at our local mechanic and had a pretty disappointing experience. I had to call back several times only to find that there would be further delays (5 days total) until the car was repaired and after 'cleaning' the car and they left grease marks everywhere - including all over the windows, on the steering wheel and door handles.

My dad cut in with "at least you could slip through the traffic easily".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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When parents announce their Euro-medditeranian travel plans

Mom- We're going to Rome, then we're going to Greece and we're going to Mount Olympus.

Me- Where are you roaming to? What are you greasing? And I don't think its safe to mount Olympus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edragon20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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One of my friends showed his dad aptitude over lunch today.

I had to run a couple of errands between then and now, so my memory might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll do best.

Friend 1: "Sarah"

Friend 2: "Shawn"

Future dad: "Sam"

Sarah: There is no good way to eat a taco. (There is a dismembered taco sitting on her plate.)

Shawn: I know, right? It's seriously the worst-designed food, like, ever.

Sarah: Back in [hometown], there's this restaurant that sells authentic Mexican tacos. There's no grease or anything, just chunks of chicken with guacamole and salsa and a bit of cheese on top, and it's SO GOOD. I really shouldn't even talk about them, it's just making me homesick.

Sam: You mean you shouldn't taco 'bout them?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Dad got my mom after dinner

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evonb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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I had a close call with bacon while cooking.

Me: ouch!

Wife: did you get hit with bacon grease?

Me: yeah. Right in the eyelid.

Wife: Good thing it didn't actually go in your eye

Me: yeah, I never would've looked at bacon the same way again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
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My dad would feel at home in this sub

Coworker: My daughter actually just spent a year in Greece.

Dad: Oh really? How's her complexion?

Coworker: Huh?

Dad: Spending a year in grease can't be good for her skin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bugmysisterinlaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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Dad joked by coworker...

I currently work in a deli and a coworker and I were doing some deep cleaning behind our fryers. We noticed a bit of grease build up on the electrical plugs. She unplugged them and I mentioned I wonder if grease conducts electricity. She blurted out, "It would shock me if it did."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinkleheimer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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Most people think that the first French fries were cooked in France.

They were really cooked in Grease

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/limminl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The first French fries were not made in France.

They were made in Grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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French fries aren't from France.

They come from grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVirginBarry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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French Fries

Contrary to popular belief, the first french fries were not cooked in France! They were cooked in Grease..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkEco4breakfast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Did you know the first French fries where not made in France?

They where made in grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/namethadqq
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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French Fries weren't cooked in France...

They were cooked in Grease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtisBrownTheCat
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Did you know that French fries weren’t first cooked in France?

They were first cooked in Grease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Did you know that french fries aren't actually cooked in France?

They're cooked in grease!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report

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