I said hi to alexander graham bells wife..

It fell on deaf ears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FigeyAce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I want to make s'mores, but I'm out of graham crackers...

Good thing I have Instagram

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaze03
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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The twelve days of Jokemas, day one

How much does a cracker weigh?

One graham

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Mammo-grahams
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Breaking news; Count Chocula, the Stay-Puft marshamallow man and Teddy Graham, the Teddy Graham's cookie mascot, all died in a house fire today.

S'more to come at 21.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What do you call food that preaches the Bible?

Billy Graham cracker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humanlikeyou07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My son wants to see Marshmello partner up with two other EDM Musicians wearing helmets, named Chocolate and Graham Krackers...

He said he'd really like to hear S'more Music.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TKJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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I heard that they started making powdered graham crackers. Just add water.

They’re calling them insta-grahams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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What do you call a miscellaneous pile of marshmallows, chocolate, and gram-crackers?

A Smoregasbord

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastedSoaps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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You know, that famous cookie company..., they just released an App

Insta-Graham

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirGreybush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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TIL that during the making of Monty Python's Holy Grail, a crazed gunman got on set.

John Cleese and Graham Chapman were terrified for their lives, but it turned out the guy was just making Idle threats

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mecoptera2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Scientists talk about Boyle's law, Coulomb's law, Taylor's law, Byerlee's law, Graham's law, Dalton's law and Marconi's law. But what is Cole's law?

Thinly sliced cabbage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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Got Dad joked by my buddy, The Graham Boney Pony

Andy - "Hey buddy, did you get a haircut?"

Pony - "No Andy, I got them all cut!"

Ziinnng.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesteelsnake
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2015
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Have you heard about the new crackers you can see but can’t taste or digest?

Yeah... they’re called HoloGrahams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Nearly all the funniest jokes at Edinburgh Fringe is dad jokes

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

  • "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
  • "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
  • "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
  • "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
  • "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
  • "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
  • "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
  • "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
  • "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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TIL There are exactly Avacado's Number of atoms in a guacamole
πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/venturanima
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
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Need A Pun Joke! Going to be in a spelling bee, need a name.

I figured who better to ask about a silly pun than the good folks over here at /r/dadjokes? I'm going to be in a spelling bee and I need a good name that matches up with a good costume theme. To give examples these are my two previous iterations:

"Punktuation" - Dressed as punk rockers

"Bee Me Up, Scotty!" - Dressed as Star Trek officers

If anyone has a good idea let me know and I will post pics from the event on October 24th. If you don't care to help then...umm...continue being dads.

EDIT FOR CLARITY: People are making some great suggestions for names, but I should have clarified that this is for a team of 3 people. So proper names are not really going to work...stick to the format I have described in this post!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexpressed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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How do bears communicate?

Teddy grahams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funkyfrau
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Nobody smiled out of five people.

I had bought some food and put it away in the cupboards. My girlfriend's friends had come over and wanted to eat stuff.

I didn't want my girlfriend to mention we had a new jar of choc-hazelnut spread to be eaten.

I said "No! You must nutella them!"

Nobody smiled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1982-present
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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While watching Master Chef with my parents tonight...

I sat down to watch TV with my parents and they decided to play Master Chef. I'm familiar with the show, but haven't seen any of this season. I'm sitting there, complimenting the fantastic weight loss of Graham, one of the judges, when my dad goes:

"Yeah, you know, last year he was going by the name kiloGraham, but now he just goes by Graham!"

I laughed, my mom groaned, and the cleverness of the joke, (which is far from usual), was enjoyed by all. :)

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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