Blind Girl Here. Give Me Your Best Blind Jokes!

Do your worst!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leckzsluthor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2022
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Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegetable-Acadia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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What starts with a W and ends with a T

It really does, I swear!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedeIic_Sheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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This subreddit is 10 years old now.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frexyincdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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What is a a bisexual person doing when they’re not dating anybody?

They’re on standbi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toby-the-Cactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call quesadillas you eat in the morning?

Buenosdillas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FarronKeepSucks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Geddit? No? Only me?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampy311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2021
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I wanna hear your best airplane puns.

Pilot on me!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paulie_Felice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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E or ß?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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No spoilers
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onfour
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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i Karenough to
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amazekam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Covid problems
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theincrediblebou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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These aren't dad jokes...

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lance986
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2021
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I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids.

When I got home, they were still there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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What did 0 say to 8 ?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/designjeevan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Spi__
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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I dislike karma whores who make posts that imply it's their cake day, simply for upvotes.

I won't be doing that today!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djcarves
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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The Ancient Romans II
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2021
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your frying pan?

You take away their little brooms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majorpain2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad.

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sk2ec
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTreelo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2022
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School Was Clothed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kennydoe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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I'd like to dedicate this joke to my wisdom teeth.

[Removed]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThoughtPumP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
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Couch potato
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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Baka!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridi86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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concrete πŸ—Ώ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fast_Echidna_8520
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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All dad jokes are bad and here’s why

Why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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Letting loose with these puns
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

It’s pronounced β€œNoel.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beef_fried_rice
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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Why are people so surprised and angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxxer?

After all his first name is No-vac

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hangryman23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2022
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If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

  • Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

  • French/Finnish art

  • Country/Canadian rap

  • Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

  • Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2022
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That’s Michelle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLEXSEALBREAKER
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonStimpo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2021
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What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hackerboi1198
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2022
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is Isn't
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordrathe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2022
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@u/mordrathe - remix
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpydrRydr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?

Bob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4fuchssake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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I named my dog "5 miles."

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! πŸ˜€ Thank you for the awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/javacafe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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My WIFI password is 2444666668888888

Just to clarify, 12345678

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πŸ‘€︎ u/az1m_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
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Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AKhakiNerfHerder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician...

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2022
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Guns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlayYo-KaiWatch21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2022
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The two genders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShrimpRex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2021
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If β€œwomb” is pronounced β€œwoom” and β€œtomb” is pronounced β€œtoom” then shouldn’t β€œbomb” be pronounced…

β€œBOOM”?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FourBloodMoons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2021
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I like my coffee how I like my slaves

free

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zRepulse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!" He replied, "I don't know."

"That's what they're fighting about."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
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Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia with a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didn’t work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tttestm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii?

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/husapida
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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I couldn’t rush more than this to post it!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suaveguile14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2022
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It seems that she has got a bounty on her head
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikerramos11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2021
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