11pm outside of a gas station twenty miles from Tuscan. Watching the last embers of a cigarette sputter out and die. So long. Too long. Too long is the road in front of me, the road behind me. How long have I been standing here? Too long.
Hear a voice next to me: "Spare some change for gas?"
I turn to look at him, and realize how long it's been since I've seen another human being. Too long. I said: "Yep. What a concept. I could use a little fuel myself, and we could all use a little change."
Yea, it was pretty nuts.
It was pretty wicked!
It's pretty nuts if you ask me!
Yeah, I know. Pretty nuts?
Theyโre pretty nuts
For example, glitter.
It's pretty nuts
My oldest asked me why I needed glitter at the office?
I told him because I wanted to be flashy.
The look his mom gave me was jackpot.
I'm glue-ten intolerant.
and saysโDoc, I think Iโm addicted to Smash Mouth.โ
The doctor asks โHow can you tell? Have you had any symptoms?โ
The man replied โSOME...โ
Thereโs some guy running around my neighborhood dunking his testicles in glitter. Heโs pretty nuts.
I'll never forget when I was riding shotgun while my dad drove, and we were taking my friend Joe home. We had driven these streets hundreds of times, but at this moment, my dad released all these heretofore unheard-of puns.
We took a right on Cambridge Ave.
Dad looks over and stoically says in a gravelly voice with an -- American Indian?? -- accent, "First came iron horseโฆ then came bridge."
Groans.
As we approach Minot Ln., he asks "do I turn here?" and Joe says "yes," to which dad replies "I don't know, Joe, I might, but I minot!"
Groans.
Finally, we make our last turn onto Cheyenne. Dad says with a deliberate, measured cadence, "You know, growing up, all the girls I met were so forward. It was weird. But then I met Shy Anne."
He finished his sentence right as we pulled into Joe's driveway. He put his right hand on the back of my headrest and turned to face us with a wide smile and the glittering, eyes of a puppy that just fetched on command.
Joe said "Thanks, Mr. Smith," and he got out and ran into his house.
Down on his farm, Old MacDonald was hosting his annual talent contest amongst his animals and announced that, this year, the theme was Shakespeare.
All of his livestock had been busily and excitedly rehearsing because they knew that 1st prize was to be a gigantic gazebo festooned with flashing electric lights, a glitter ball, a speaker system and turntables.
Competition was fierce; the chickens performed Othello, the horse chose Hamlet, the sheep Romeo and Juliet and the cow performed Richard III.
After much deliberation, the farmer and his wife ordered a hushed silence and announced: "Cow is the winner of our disco tent."
GF: "Now it's time to coat the stars with glitter!"
Me: "Isn't it too hot to be putting on coats?"
She proceeds to groan and slap my arm.
Pretty nuts.
Pretty nuts am I right
Pretty nuts
it was pretty nuts
Pretty nuts!
Itโs pretty nuts
...it was pretty nuts.
Pretty nuts
Pretty Nuts.
It's pretty nuts.
Pretty nuts
It's pretty nuts.
Pretty nuts...
It's pretty nuts
Itโs pretty nuts.
It's pretty nuts
Police have reported a man going into local craft stores dipping his testicles in glitter. It's pretty nuts.
