Generic You Puns

G.I. Jonah!

——————————————————————- Idk I thought of this at 2 AM

Well...it was more like this...

Me: "Can one of y'all bring me some chips?"

Eli: "Here's some Tostitos..."

Me: "Not those...they require additions to make them taste, so...unless you wanna get me salsa or queso..."

Eli disappears and comes back giggling: "How 'bout NOT-tostitos?" (Holding a bag of generic Tostitos.")

Me, laughing: "No thanks."

Leah showing up: "How 'bout MEGA-tostitos?" Holding out taco shells..."

Me laughing openly: "No thanks...smart ass."

Eli showing back up, still giggling: "How bought RAW-tostitos?" (Holding out tortillas)

Me, laughing harder: "Uh...no"

Eli: "Maybe the Asian version?" (Whipping out rice paper wraps from behind his back)

Me, laughing even more: "Go away."

Eli, appearing again: "How about make-it-yourself-chips?" (Plopping a bag of potatoes in my lap)

I have raised my kids well. My poor wife gets no break.

We were discussing the fact that she's short and the conversation went something like this

Me: I remember when I was a fun sized Snickers bar, then I turned 14 and became a party sized Snickers bar.

Her: Well what if I don't want to be a Snickers bar?

Me: Then you can be any generic fun sized candy bar of your choice.

Her: Idk what I would be. But it would make sense that you're a Snickers bar, you have nuts.

Edit: Formatting

I've been in a car all day waiting to get home to tell this one. As we were driving down the road, we pass by a pasture full of hay bales when all of a sudden my sister yells out "hey daddy!" My dad responds with a generic "yes?" To which my sister replies with "oh, I was just showing you the hay over there." I love my sister.

My dad is the type that tells the most generic and awful dad jokes that make you cringe, thus bringing to pass my own joke that is only possible thanks to my father's dry sense of humor. My husband & I were laying in bed and I was cuddled up to him. When he was about to go to sleep he turned to me & said, "I needa turn over." (As in "need to.") To which I replied, "Sorry, we don't have any." The laughter that then ensued brought tears to my eyes, but my husband didn't get it. Thanks for my awful humor, dad.