My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Where do new basketball/hockey players get their uniforms from?
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
Before sex, you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself
Moral of the story is, no one helps you after you get fucked
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the dress that ballerinas wear.
Then I put tu and tu together.
Why did the Caveman get dressed up?
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
I'm thinking about dressing up as a Banker for Halloween this year.
I think it will gain a lot of interest.
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
Why does the pig that dresses in black never get bullied?
Because Batman always protects goth-ham
There were so many people dressed as vampires at the Halloween party…
I had a Caesar Dressing that had gone bad
It left me with some stabbing pains
Next week I'm going to dress up as a different type of bread everyday.
A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asked him, “how long have you been wearing that bra?”
“Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
One is attired of this repost and the other is about to unicybscribe from this sub.
Before I went to the Star Wars cosplay, I thought everyone was one-dimensional. Then I met a pair of gorgeous woman dressed as astromech droids.
My nudist friend does not like putting on clothes, but will angrily comply with dress code requirements...
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
edit: had to delete original post, due to misspelling in the title.
Have you heard of a hole full of soup?
It sounds really stew-pit but it's real.
Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...
Wow, I’m really dating myself.
My pissed off neighbour told me he wanted to throw me in a deep hole full of water.
But I know he means well.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
What do you call a parking lot full of broken Lamborghinis?
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
What would you call a dress for a cow?
So my mate was at a fancy dress party dressed as a bank vault.
I said: ''I thought you were coming dressed as an apology?''
He said: 'Well, I thought I'd better be safe than sorry''.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
My friend really loves dressing up as a mushroom.
What do you call a crate full of ducks?
I have a friend who just finished her PhD in Botany. Instead of math and statistics, her dissertation is full of pictures of exotic plants.
She sure has a lot of photos in thesis.
I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....
My 15 month old daughter has been saying "momma" and "dadda" a lot now, and I tried using this to my advantage...
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
Why should you never pick on a pig dressed all in black?
Because Batman is sworn to protect Goth Ham
What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up man, it could be worse. You could stuck underground in a hole full of water
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Starting next week, I'm going to dress as a different type of bread every day.
I saw an advertisement that read: “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, “I can’t turn that down!"
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