I always end up cutting people out of my life/have done this for over the past year or two and now, I’m mostly alone (I have no friends I actively speak with except for people that’re online).
I'm asking this out of genuine concern for myself because I've lost all my friends this year and I really don't know what to do on new year's eve or with my life in general
Hope you can give me some good suggestions. Have a happy holiday y'all peace
Someone had asked a couple days ago what lie she would tell to explain not having a birthday party. One of the answers (edit: u/mojorisiin 🎯!!!) was “pretend to be sick.” This is to get sympathy and attention (narc supply) for her birthday that she’s going to spend alone. “Omg sweetie so sorry you’re sick, you’re still taking care of everyone what a trooper, you poor thing” is what she’s trying to elicit. Just watch the 11 comments she allows to roll in.
Obviously our parents found someone, since we're here. I mean before or maybe even after if there was a break up or divorce.
I think my Dad was alone. He went to two proms, but I think he only had dates. If he had more he would never tell me.
My Mom struggled to have boyfriends. She told me about a few. One left her shortly after they had sex. They were like 18. She met my Dad in her mid 20's and they got engaged after a few months, but they waited a few years to get married. She kind of just settled. Their marriage is toxic and he couldn't provide for us well and he was abusive. I think watching her be trapped made me shut out a lot of men. I don't want to end up like her. I think it's worse than being alone. Another problem my Mom had was that she only connected well with black men for a long time. Interracial dating was tough in the 70's and 80's even in Connecticut.
I think the reason I did worse than my Mom is that I want to wait until marriage for sex. Sometimes I wish I was normal. I'm also poor and I think I have high standards. I would like a guy who makes at least $40,000 but I can't bring the same to the table.
My parents only have a few friends. We were poor when I was growing up and that made it hard to make friends or do stuff with them. I think if they had a better social circle I would have made more friends growing up.
At that stage in life where everyone is married or having babies. I’m also married but I always try and make time to drop a text and see how friends are, yet I have noticed that I hardly have friends. Sometimes I’m only just learning about things in their lives through social media which is a bit disheartening. It was quite isolating moving to a new place with my husband just before the pandemic which meant I couldn’t really go out and make new friends, which I sometimes find tricky to do organically anyway. Does anyone else have similar struggles? ❤️
Anyone else feel like they have no friends left? Like suddenly I’ve realized everyone I was close to has either drifted away or found other friends. I feel like no one cares to check up on me anymore. I also feel like being online for almost 2 years has made it worse bc there’s no daily interaction with people. Literally friendless.
Because that's how it has been all my life; at best, there could have been people that only pretending to care, at worst, I had to pretend that I was actually worth a damn to some people, or at least, that they would lower their standards enough to accept someone as weird as me.
Long story short, my best guy friend and I dated after being friends for six years within a larger friend group. He hit me, gaslighted me, and was pure terror. I got out with the help of my female friends after telling them all that had happened. It’s been almost a year since I ended it with him (after only a four month relationship) and I just ended all my former friendships within that group. They kept lying to me about hanging out with him and they convinced me to stay home a few times, lying about all getting together, so that he could come. When I brought tons of pain to the table, their reasoning was that it’s hard to tell him no. As if he forced himself in their cars or to be invited to their homes.
I have so much background information, such as my mother dying during this time, but simply, I can’t cope with being put against a literal abuser, scum of the earth and still losing. It’s the most disrespectful and almost humiliating experience, and it made four months turn to twelve. I even backed out of being my former best friends maid-of-honor because she and her groom (another close friend of mine), treat my ex as if nothing happened. My ex is even going to be a groomsman.
The best/worst part is that I don’t feel bad about what I did at all. I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Only now I live alone with no mom, who I regularly talked to, and no friends.
My question for everyone is: I have no desire for friends or doing things due to depression and this past year’s toxicity, so how do I get that feeling back? My dad and sister regularly ask about me having friends or going out, and I once broke down and cried. Not because I’m super lonely, but because that desire is just nonexistent. I’m a stubborn person who hates advice like they try to give about “getting out there,” so what would/do you all do? I genuinely am fine sitting all day with my cat and playing mojang, but I don’t want to look up in ten years surrounded by more cats and 300 extra pounds. (I lost 30lbs in those abusive four months due to stress. I’ve gained 50 back due to a different kind of stress).
i’m so jealous of ppl who grew up around an abundance of grandparents, uncles/aunts, cousins, and extended family. i’ve never had a big family gathering in my life. i’ve never even spoke to most of my family because of a language barrier and distance (they all speak the language and are pretty close with each other excluding me) especially around christmas time the emptiness feels unbearable. i don’t think my existence ever crosses the minds of the majority of my family. to top it off, growing up without that social support gave me severe anxiety/depression and has ruined my ability to interact/connect with people. i’ve always heard family is a stronger bond than friendships. i wish i could experience either.
what was that? write an amazing self-description, enticing someone into having a brilliant conversation with me!? well, don't mind if i do.
to get us started - hello!
i am a history student in my first year of university. quite honestly, maybe my social life should be buzzing, considering university often comes with parties, late nights out and 'deep' conversations will people you barely know. unfortunately, as i am living at home to save money, my frugal, nerdy self is left spending many a night alone. it would be very cool to meet someone in the exact same situation as me, but that would require me meeting someone as cheap as me and...i don't know if that one is quite possible.
anyways, onto my personality, hobbies and all the other bits and bobs that make 'me' me:
- i am a huge sitcom fan! i'm talking new girl, modern family, how i met your mother, futurama, community, the it crowd, gilmore girls, friends, big bang theory...damn, i didn't realise how much time i spent in front of a tv until i started typing. i've pretty much rewatched all these half a dozen times too...wow. um, anyways haha, hopefully you enjoy sitcoms too? i also like murder and social issue documentaries, but i mostly just find those genres on netflix and pick a new show every couple months so i don't have a set list, unlike my polished collection of sitcoms.
- as you can probably tell, i write in a very manic, chaotic manner? i don't mean to do it, but my thoughts are very free flowing and instead of slowing down to edit, i just continue. i spend more than enough time editing my essays and assignments so hopefully that'll become a habit, and i'll start writing like that 24/7.
- i love cats! i absolutely adore them. i used to have a tabby but my mum absolutely hated the fur that he left around the house, so i was forced to give him up after a couple years. i cried so hard, for so long, after all that, and i still can't look at tabby cats without feeling an ache in my heart. my plan is to move out as soon as i've saved up enough money; i'm going to have an adorable cat roommate, and maybe that'll help my heart ache a little less.
- i am bisexual - i actually used to be quite homophobic as a child because i come from a very religious background, and that is the kind of rhetoric that i would hear. i'm very comfortable with my sexuality and my personal identity now, and i want to be very transparent about that. i'm not interested in talking to anyone who wants to disrespect my
... keep reading on reddit ➡I was feel alright today but as I’m lying in bed the depressing thoughts are creeping again. I really have nobody to talk to and I’m so alone, isolated and sexually frustrated.
I have this feeling that I’m blocked from the game of life everyone is playing. When I’m in the library and I hear people talk I can’t help but think “wow, to these people things like friendships, relationships, memories and sex are normal experiences they have day to day”. I just feel like I’m on a different planet.
I don’t know what it is. I can’t connect with anyone. Online and in real life. I always end up alone. I struggle to see the point in life if I can’t even connect with people.
Bought the game today after falling in love with it via YT videos. Looks a lot like the games I play with me wife (Don't Starve, The Long Dark, Stardew Valley) and I started playing the singleplayer and it's brutal!
Wife hates zombies and I would love to find some people to play with. Do you guys have a discord channel or some kinds of "gathering" where everyone gets together to play?
I'm 22F going to Spain in 8 months to finish my degree for around 6 months. I've from a very reserved household and have been looking at this experience as my chance to let loose a bit and explore myself. Not to be dramatic, but I am the emotional glue keeping my household together. I have 3 older brothers each with their own set of problems, (drugs, alcoholism, jail, can't hold down a job, you get the picture), meanwhile I am kind of referred to as the 'easy child' by my parents as I liked school, stayed out of trouble and am fairly independent. My brothers don't get along, but I am the neutral sibling they all talk shit about each other to. My parents do the same thing, my mom in particular comes to me to vent about it all and more often than not looks for me to advise her on what to do. She has no friends, only her sisters that she talks to about once a week and my dad who has the emotional capacity of a walnut. I love her, but I'm so drained from being her therapist. I've tried to get her to go see a professional and she went to one apt and decided she didn't like it. Whenever I try to put up boundaries she gets upset and I can't help feeling guilty because I know she has no one else to go to. I want to go to Spain and be there and be present, not constantly taking calls and worrying about my mom at home. I also just want her to have more of a life, she's 65 and has focused on being a mom and wife for the last 35 years. I want to know she'll be okey while I'm gone, that she'll have someone else to turn to when I'm not there. But I don't know what to do and its getting to the point where I get so frustrated I take it out on her and I don't like what I'm becoming.
Hey guys.
This is something that has been really bothering me lately and would love to hear what others have to say about it or advice they may have. I apologize in advance for the crazy long post but just wanted to let it all out.
I am seeking serious responses here. Tough love, giving it to me straight, etc totally ok, but please keep any hateful and unhelpful comments to yourself.
So long story short - despite having a decent sized friend group, I feel totally and utterly alone because it is so hard to get together with any of them and so many moved out of state.
Long story long and background info. I live by myself outside DC, about 35ish minutes away. I'm single and still in my twenties, not looking to date or settle down. I am a consultant and work remotely, so I only know my peers virtually and the ones I work closely with are in different states. I am a very social person, friendly, easy to get along, funny, outgoing, loyal, generous, and always ready to help others. In social settings, I make friends relatively easy and even when meeting on zoom with coworkers, I can make them laugh and have a friendly connection. I was not born in the states and moved here when I was in my teens. So, no family, lost childhood friends, and all that. I still managed to make several great friends in high school but as we all went to college, we all lost touch. In college, I met my current group of friends and we are all fairly close and get together throughout the year. The problem is that after college everyone ended up living in so many different areas.
There were a few that after college stayed in the area I live in, but the great majority moved to the west coast. The others are 1hr 30 mins away and 4hrs away. Within the area I live, there are just like 3 people from the group and outside that, since I did not grow up here, I don't really now anyone. I'm pretty good friends with these individuals, but I always struggle to plan things with them. No matter what it is, going for hikes, take a day excursion somewhere, hang around town, or even simple things like going to each other's houses to hang. There are a few times where we will get together but it's not very often. I usually find myself alone on weekends with no plans whatsoever. I know my friends don't secretly hate me or anything because I went through some things recently and they were very supportive. We also had a catch up lunch the other the day, but generally, is next to impossible to get some
... keep reading on reddit ➡Day in, day out, it's all the same. I sit at home, sad and lonely. I have no one. Guys my age all have friends, girlfriends, engage in casual sex, i do not. I sit at home, study, play some games but it all feels meaningless. Nothing has any meaning or value if you don't have anyone to share things with. Making friends is so hard, i wish i could just step in a mall and be approached by a group of virgin girls wanting to be friends.
I also only want to date and have sex with a girl who's as inexperienced romantic and sexually as myself, which is practically impossible. It seems like all girls lose their virginities at like, 15. I know there are virgin, lonely girls out there but i have no idea on how to find them.
My life sucks.
I've had different friends all throughout my life (or at least thought I did) but one by one all those friends started showing their true colors and being toxic, until I wanted nothing to do with them. I'm a pretty cynical person who constantly says they hate everyone but at the same time I wish I had like one or two people I could go to for advice, to rely upon, and just communicate deeply with. It sucks that people seemed to be more inclined to put the effort into friendships online before covid happened and now everyone just seems lazy and bland. I don't have the option to make friends irl and even if I did I don't even know if I'd be comfortable with that. I'm a pretty shy person, it wasn't even easy to gain the friends I had in the past. I've mostly been a loner my whole life, even with friends. So I constantly push myself to try to make friends online but it always falls flat because people are selfish, rude, inconsiderate, inconsistent, or show their true colors. Sometimes it really is better to be alone because then nobody can try to tell you who you are or try to push you around and kick you down. People are really awful online and I'm glad this is the only social media I bother with.
My goodness, this lady does not respect my boundaries. She knows i dont have friends and that i had a fallout with a friend and tells me on christmas when she sees me clearly sad and lonely ''No one said merry christmas to you? you should tell that friend of yours a happy christmas"! you need to say merry christmas to you friends!" and same crap when new years hit! Back off! how can i tell an ex friend who i had a nasty fallout with, out of nowhere, happy new year and merry christmas?? it none of my mother business anyway who tells me merry christmas and happy new years, it none of her business who i speak to! im in my twenties for freak sake!
I am not close to family at all, and dont care for it, Most of my family suck and are toxic/rude. My mom is toxic too but i live with her and dont have a job yet, so have no choice but try to be distant as i can. Same thing for past 'friends''. Now i am completely alone since cutting those people out of my life. Its very lonely, i admit its not fun to be lonely and i have nobody now
I have a few online friends, not super close and they did wish me happy holidays. I appreciate them, though i still feel a little lonely and the holidays just reminded me of my many losses this year that i do not even want to be wished happy holidays. Holidays are always very depressing for me.
A lot of horrible things happened to me last year, including a past close friend who passed away, losing a job, nasty breakup with a childhood friend!! All of that devastated me, so the last thing on my mind is saying ''merry christmas'' or ''happy new year'' or enjoying the holidays. I have no hope for happiness in my life and hearing 'did anyone tell you merry christmas? happy new year!!! ? no one??"" Made me break into tears. All the close relationships i had in real life are long gone now and im back to square one again, lonely and depressed. No one to have to fun or special moments ever again. And people dont seem interested in being my friend or talking to me, im just ignored most of the time or taken for granted
Is anyone else alone? No friends, no spouse, and family??
I have lost my grandmother just 5 days ago and when I told this to my "best friend" she just said "sorry for your loss" nothing more nothing less. She didn't even ask like "how are you?". And 3 days ago she said she is ill and for the past two days I messaged her to check if she feels any better. Today I realized that something is wrong here and decided to never message her again. She was my one and only friend and now I'm friendless but I feel so much better this way.
I hope I'll find some good friends in the new year!
If there is a "friend" who feels you worthless, please get rid of them and find someone who deserves you!
Happy New Year Everyone!
(Feel free to correct my grammar.)
As an MS1, I will confidently say this week has been the hardest week of med school yet, and I’m not talking about the material. It was the first week I truly realized, I am alone here. The first week I have struggled to study because I feel low. I go to med school out of my home state. I got an apartment by myself for many reasons, mainly because I prefer to live alone and function better this way. When I went to orientation, I didn’t have built in friends (aka roommates). I worked hard to build connections with people. I will say, I am proud to go to a friendly, non competitive environment school. But, I have never been a super social type and during my free time, I’d much rather stay at home with my dogs and watch a movie than go out to a bar. During med school, that free time is scarce. So in the beginning, people invited me to do fun things and I politely declined because I’d rather stay home. I lost all the connections I made during orientation because of this. My group who sat with me in class found new people and I now sit by myself. Everyone walks to clinical sites in groups of friends and I am the one that walks alone. The other day, I asked to sit with my clinical partner and she declined saying there was only one spot next to her friend. I dread going to class because I feel like a loser. It seems like everyone has their groups and they are no longer taking new people. I try to make friends still, but it seems like everyone is already so cliquey. I see Instagram posts of my classmates hanging out and feel so alone. It doesn’t bother me that I am sitting at home on a Friday night, it bothers me that I go to class and don’t have a single person to talk to. Am I alone?
I'll accept i am not a normal dude. i get weird all the time. i dont really make friends with a fear of being judged. today my friend of 8 years judged me for having a weird fantasy. i never really had friends. i just had this dude who kinda went through what i am going thru now but i never really felt alone. although i just had this one friend i never felt alone. i cried yesterday because the dread of being alone is starting to set in.
Hiya my name is K.C.
Let's see I am really into anime, video games, the office, and all kinds of music besides country.
I recently moved to muskegon,michigan and don't have anyone to talk to lately so I would appreciate if someone come say hey to me and chat for a bit
8786 8426 9842
This is for people who don't fit into the society's expectation that not having friends is "abnormal". I have some experience with this and thoughts that I would like to share.
The philosophy of "needing" a social group or friends is outdated simply because there are more cons than pros in today's world and society.
Being "friendless" for more than a year, I feel I am more fulfilled, confident, productive and truly happy. This does not mean I hate the people I used to hang out with before going friendless or carry any negative feeling for them. Absolutely not. I spent some great years with them and will always be there if they ever need me. It's not just lip service. Just that I am not the same person who I used to be when I was with them and it's not right to just stick around for the sake of it and pretend everything is the same. The day I chose to fully go without friends with absolutely no shame, I felt a weight lift off of me. This stands true even today.
I feel real and genuine freedom in my life. When you stop trying to impress people - you attain a dangerous level of freedom. It is natural for the society to call you weird, abnormal or strange if you don't have a particular social group that everyone is expected to have. But if you're not bound by people's opinion about you, you rise above these petty judgements and live life on your own terms. That is true freedom I believe everyone should aspire for. Otherwise we are just wasting our lives on earth as human beings - trying to impress other people and worrying about their judgements (which is precisely the premise of Social Media too). The world is in need of this major shift in consciousness now more than ever. Only a shift in the collective human consciousness can also solve major world issues like climate change, poverty, war and terrorism.
For me, having lesser people in life helps me focus on more meaningful things like being more available for my family, prioritising my health, my spiritual growth and having a better focus at my work/career. I have developed greater inner strength to face challenges that life keeps throwing at me. I like what I have become and I have a gut feeling that I am on the right path as I continue to work on my self improvement. My heart is always full of gratitude towards the Supreme Father/God/Energy (whatever you label it).
These are my personal views and I don't claim that I am right about everything. I am simply right in my own eyes and right at this partic
... keep reading on reddit ➡i feel like everybody always tells me they relate and feel the same way, but i see from their interactions and things theyve told me that it is objectively untrue. i dont know if theyre lying to me intentionally in an attempt to comfort me or something or if they really do somehow think its the same situation when it clearly isnt. i would be surprised if this has nothing to do with my cptsd.
when i say i have no friends, i am barely exaggerating. i have exactly one. we are very close and have known each other for years, but we met in a somewhat strange way and dont see each other in person super often (though thankfully that is changing soon due to unrelated stuff). ive always believed the only reason i have managed to maintain this friendship is because we have eerily similar lives; when i say that i mean including bad family/traumatic history. most of the people ive managed to become somewhat close to in the past have always been a few years older than me but he is the one exception, our birthdays are only about two weeks apart. he is the only person i trust in a significant way i guess.
theres been a handful of people in the past i would consider good friends, but it doesnt usually last. there is usually no big ending or fighting or something, it just slowly ends as we stop talking. i am usually not the one to initiate that death though. it just happens to me. i will say even these friendships have been markedly different to the one i mentioned previously as my single, true friend; these ones usually involved me feeling lesser than the person and ending up people pleasing, idolizing, etc which does not happen with him.
i do very much want relationships with people. i think about it often. i dont really ever act like it though and have even gone out of my way to pretend to others that i just dont like having many people around and am a private loner. mostly due to embarrassment or something maybe? i dont know. i do genuinely have trouble connecting with people in a way; either i have not much interest in maintaining contact with them and its exhausting to attempt to even if i like them as a person, or its the opposite and it turns into the whole putting them on a pedestal thing and trying to warp into whoever i think they will like.
it has been like this since i was a very little kid. i never hung out with anybody after school at any age. didnt even text anyone, had pretty much no contact with peers outside of school hours. which i was not particula
... keep reading on reddit ➡i cant keep up with my group of friends anymore. more precisely u could say we were homies but the amount of toxicity is UNBELIEVABLE towards me, im the most low-key hated out of them. im not guessing that but i had to test out some stuff in order to prove my point. either way the reason why i cant just leave them like that is because i live in a foreign country and still dont have any physical friends, only online which is them, people who i actually knew for 6+ years and 8+ and 3+.
if i leave them ill simply just do nothing whole day and stay bored like FUCK, how can i have fun on my pc with no friends? i already work out and do a lot of stuff but that doesnt fulfill half of my day. im desperate for help because i already tried leaving already 4 times but i was an idiot for trusting one of them and tell them my reasons only for the same person to tell everyone the next day what im doing. i just wanna cut them oft
- surprise birthday parties
- road trips
- camping in the wilderness while telling stories around the fire
- people calling my name out excitedly when they see me
- people saying my name in general
- going to a coffee shop to study with a friend
- playing board games / dnd
- receiving personalized gifts that were made with effort and love (rather than a cookiecutter obligation gift that had nothing to do with my interests)
- streaming a game with friends
- scaling or hiking a mountain
- going to the mall and trying on clothes with others
- watching a movie in a theater with anyone but my family
- having someone i can help with homework / ask help from
- parties
- been complimented on my looks
- been supported and cared for in a difficult time
- being a bridesmaid
- being loved
All in all kinda sucks. My only friend, has now ghosted me! And I feel quite sad about it. He was more or less my best/only friend for the last 3 years of my life. And my heart is in agony.
With all this anguish, I am aiming to alleviate said pain in a new friend. Probably sounds terrible, and I am rather terrible!
So with that being said, Hi! I am another lonely, pathetic, stranger on reddit. I have little to no interests and like to keep up with comedy series/movies. And I am looking for virtually anyone who sees and reads this message to talk to me on text!
Well I am a bit sleepy (I think this has been the 5th time I've gone 24+ hours without sleep in a row)
I dont do much but I think I would have your best interest at heart at all times.
I'm also 18 but any age is welcomed to have a chat! I will be posting this on the other subreddit to hopefully. I am off to sleep.
Sorry if this was hard to read. Bonus I reply to any and all messages, I think thats a bonus i sleepy
Here's the weird thing - although our friends and family are very divers and walk different paths of life, they all (almost, there's like one exception) have one thing in common - children. Singles, couples, 30+, all with one baby or more. During our five years of infertility some of them were supportive, some of them didn't know what to say, but at some point they all seemed to think we should finally move on and be just happy for them - my sister in law literally ask why we can't just enjoy her children. Well, we are bad people I guess, but we get tired with all the baby talk and "you just won't get it" attitude. Before we knew it, we were left out of our social circle. We won't go to baby parties, we won't babysit, and we do t even have that many things in common anymore. We did a lot to shrug off the guilt that we are just shitty friends, but we feel lonely. On the other hand I feel that some of our friends would just like to have us around as a quick pick me up when things are difficult (I'm projecting hard, I know). Making new friends in your thirties is difficult. Anybody felt with this isolation?
I recently joined reddit as a means to try and make a friend. I don't really know where to start with this post.
I used to party a lot and got heavily into drugs. I had at least 1 female friend (I am also a female) I thought was like a true blue friend. But I was wrong. When I hit rock bottom, everyone's true colors came out.
I am now recovering almost 2 years. My life has improved a lot and I've taken steps to heal from some of the trauma I went through... I still smoke weed but that's it. I use weed as a harm reduction method. It really does help me. I can't speak for everyone. Weed is completely legal in Canada (the country I live in)... I can't drink due to health reasons but do not consider myself an alcoholic.
My issue is now that I've seen the lack of caring and support and cold attitudes towards me from my "friends", I can't go back to them now that I've improved my life on my own. Some of my "friends" were fellow addicts or users I can't speak with for those reasons. But for the few who had their lives in order and disowned me when shit hit the fan, well I just can't go back to them.
I've lost a lot of trust in people in general from this experience. As well as going through an abusive relationship simultaneously to my drug abuse and life spiraling out of control and losing all my friends. This relationship was physically, and emotionally abusive.
I attempted to find apps for making friends in my area but those don't seem to exist (LOL). So I bit the bullet and got a dating app, against my better judgment. And just as I thought, I didn't meet anyone worthy of time, let alone someone to date...
Is there anyone between the ages of 30 ish to 45ish (I'm a 36 year old single mom of 2 young babes) who is also lonely and looking for a friend.... preferably someone in the same time zone as me (Eastern standard)
As it stands I have no one to talk to... My mom comes to visit me and the kids every so often and that is the extent of my social life...
In dire need of someone to talk to! Don't be shy to message me if you would like to chat.
I’m 22 and starting to become quite down because of my lack of human interaction. This is going to sound extreme, but it’s true. I don’t have any friends. Only had 2 in highschool and we grew apart after we graduated and they moved away. I live in a place where there are no groups or clubs for young people/women, there are hardly any activities where I can meet people my age. I’m quiet by nature so that only makes it worse. I’m quite embarrassed because my teenage sisters have so many friends and I get jealous. The only person I talk to daily is my bf who I live with. I think of living my whole life in this lonely state and I get pretty sad not going to lie. Sorry if I sound pathetic, but I’m genuinely lost here.
I'm 22F going to Spain in 8 months to finish my degree for around 6 months. I've from a very reserved household and have been looking at this experience as my chance to let loose a bit and explore myself. Not to be dramatic, but I am the emotional glue keeping my household together. I have 3 older brothers each with their own set of problems, (drugs, alcoholism, jail, can't hold down a job, you get the picture), meanwhile I am kind of referred to as the 'easy child' by my parents as I liked school, stayed out of trouble and am fairly independent. My brothers don't get along, but I am the neutral sibling they all talk shit about each other to. My parents do the same thing, my mom in particular comes to me to vent about it all and more often than not looks for me to advise her on what to do. She has no friends, only her sisters that she talks to about once a week and my dad who has the emotional capacity of a walnut. I love her, but I'm so drained from being her therapist. I've tried to get her to go see a professional and she went to one apt and decided she didn't like it. Whenever I try to put up boundaries she gets upset and I can't help feeling guilty because I know she has no one else to go to. I want to go to Spain and be there and be present, not constantly taking calls and worrying about my mom at home. I also just want her to have more of a life, she's 65 and has focused on being a mom and wife for the last 35 years. I want to know she'll be okey while I'm gone, that she'll have someone else to turn to when I'm not there. But I don't know what to do and its getting to the point where I get so frustrated I take it out on her and I don't like what I'm becoming.
