Any recommendations for music I can listen to while I’m fishing?
I’m looking for something catchy.
Which term defines the lack of urge to vote for any political party or candidate in an election?
[serious] Any good dad jokes for a funeral?
I hope this is allowed, but I recently lost my father to suicide. I am speaking at his funeral. I wanted to start off lightly, so I was wondering you guys had any good dad jokes I can use towards the beginning.
My dad was telling me about the time he got stuck in a blizzard for 4 days with his dog sledding team. He ended up having to eat one of the dogs. I asked him if it was any good...
I apologise for any cutting remarks
Any puns for my name? (Sakshi)
Did you hear about the limo driver who didn’t have any customers for 20 years?
All that experience and nothing to chauffeur it…
Astronaut 1: hey I can't find any milk for my coffee.
Astronaut 2: in space, no one can. Here, use cream.
Boss: "Does anyone have any questions before I wrap for today?"
Me: "I have a question.
What are you going to rap about?"
Boss: "...Goodbye TheTimeDictator."
Never ask any person who takes things too literally for help
They will lend you their hand when you ask for it
For anyone who doesn’t want to hear any pickle jokes on this sub: Too bad….
I was in a big box store today. A mother and son in front of me were buying a case of torch fuel, for tiki torches. The cashier couldn’t get any of the UPCs on the case to scan, so I suggested that they scan them individually. This worked, so with a straight face I said
“Sometimes you have to think outside the box”
The executioner asks for any last words:
A man is sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asks for any last words.
The man sitting in the chair responds: "I won't be shocked if this dosen't work"
I was given some pork for being the outstanding employee. At least the company didn’t have any ‘beef’ against me…
If you find the pun ‘fishy’ somehow, you better stop reading because I’m talking about pork. You don’t have to ‘bear’ with me….
No one will judge if you ‘chicken’ out.
What's the one quality that's a must for any good chauffeur?
It’s illegal for any one person to own exotic birds in Alabama
Still need to settle my debt with the devil for the wig I had off him before it goes any further
Or there will be hell toupee
You know what happened to my butcher after he didn't sell any pig products for the entire month of April?
Everyone on this subreddit seems to be competing for best Christmas pun, but I don't think there are any clear front-runners.
Bride: “do you need any help choosing a suit for the wedding?”
Groom: “don’t worry, I have my best man on it”
When interviewing for any job tell them you're from Australia & you love eucalyptus leaves.
That way they know you're koala-fied.
Does anyone know of any subreddits for Axe Murderers?
I have a few LifeHacks to share.
did you know that at shopping centres for hitmen there arent any kmarts or walmarts?
thats because there are only targets.
I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.
The executioner left him hanging.
Why didn’t the rope get any presents for Christmas?
I asked fellow astronauts on ISS for some milk to put in my coffee but was informed I can't have any.
They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"
My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
Man, I don’t have any thyme for this!
Went out for breakfast this morning, item #4 on the menu was "Toast and 2 eggs any style". The waitress asked me how I wanted my eggs...
My wife says that I don’t take any ownership for the comments I make.
I've been looking around for good, unused dad jokes but can't seem to find any
I guess I'll just have to look even father
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
Getting interviewed for a job as a blacksmith: Interviewer: Do you have any experience shoeing a horse?
Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.
What kind of flooring can be used for any application?
The best name for any pet is...
Any punny name suggestions for a board game cafe?
They say for this Christmas we can meet up with 8 people without any problems
I don’t know 8 people without problems
Is there any space for puns like these?
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Does France ban any activities for its universal healthcare?
I can't imagine the Pierre pressure it would cause...
One astronaut says to another “I can’t find any milk for my coffee”
The other astronaut replies “In space no one can, here use cream”
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