The barman says, β€œSorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound..

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Why can't my bicycle go faster than light?

Because it is two-tired

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/code_punk_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My church can move faster than light

It has no mass

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_a_homan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Did you know milk is faster than the speed of light?

It’s pasteurized before you know it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdefmodex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve particles that move faster than light."

A tachyon walks into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wormfood__
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard some scientists were surprised when they discovered a particle that moves faster than the speed of light.

I guess they just didn’t see it coming

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daksmyth93
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My coworkers and I were discussing the future and faster than light travel.

One of them said, β€œAll we have to do is make ourselves massless and then we can do it.”

Another replied β€œBut how do we bring our luggage?”

At which point I chimed in, β€œYou pack light.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newt24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...

Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"

I'm only 20 please help

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heey_its_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been told a fat guy outran Bolt

He must be faster than light

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacksonrr3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoppingMusic21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound.

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

πŸ‘︎ 349
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
You know how light travels faster than sound?

That's why people look bright until they open their mouths.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why my bicycle can't go faster than speed of light ?

Because it's two-tired.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mihcos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report

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