If your left shoe was a Pokemon, what would it evolve into?

A Raichu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimatelate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Before Pterodactyls evolved, dinosaurs could only process information in Pgigadactyls

...I said Pgigadactyls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOldGods37
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Pterodactyls evolved a way to urinate without making any noise.

Their P was silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hitokirizac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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If you give an eevee money what does it evolve into?

Patreon

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iann2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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FLAT EARTHERS HAVE EVOLVED

They are now COVIDeniers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asaasssas
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Scientists have discovered that bees are learning to conserve energy by gliding on the air...

They think they're evolving into frisbees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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A joke that takes a while to evolve

To celebrate the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, the scientific community joined together for a party. As is common at such gatherings, the Biologists began to argue about what species was the most suited to its environment. Finally after much heated debate, a group of scientists pledged to spend the rest of the year exhaustively researching the Biological record to once and for all determine which creature was the ultimate example of adaptivity and proficiency ever to live.

Yesterday, the results were announced at the National Academy of Sciences. The creature identified as the most adaptive and proficient in Earth's history was a previously unknown animal from the Mesozoic era, a water dwelling insect that thrived for a hundred million years.

It was ... a FishAnt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens haven’t evolved yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormallyWierd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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In the future...

In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Some asking my bio teacher what would Shingles evolve into...

He said " Roof tiles"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bowye
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Which evolved Pokemon sneezes?

Raichuuuuuuuuuu!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonanza86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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Putin all jokes Assad, I'm going to watch the Syrian conflict evolve Obama self at home.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oi_peiD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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Posted on behalf of my actual father who thinks he’s hilarious πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜‚

We all know that pokemon evolve after being trained for a while. There is a little known fact that some PokΓ©mon evolve into different PokΓ©mon based on how you raise them.

For example,did you know if you raise a pikachu badly it evolves into a nasty little PokΓ©mon called pissed-at-chu!!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

If they had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HouseCatt95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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If fishing for a shark is called shark fishing, what do you call fishing for a whale?

Whale mammaling...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadFluffyScience
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What do you call a barking dog in the Arctic?

A sub-woofer

Thanks for sorting by new you are doing a great job :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Got_A_Hatt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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You lied to me!

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/H-KEVIN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Did you hear about the changes to Darwin’s theory?

It’s evolving.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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My gf was playing with my nipples

Her: why do men have nipples they can't use them Me: well I guess a chest without nipples is just pointless. Her: a long sigh Me: starts running around laughing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesuswasblak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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Jason Bourne...

... is reliving the same day over and over in "Bourne Again"

... travels to the past to stop a terrorist attack in "Bourne yesterday"

... finally settles down and has a baby in "New Bourne"

... de-evolves into a feral beast who prowls the wilderness in "Bourne to be Wild"

Firstly, I think they really missed a trick naming these films.

Secondly... I know there are more of these...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalMikey666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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What do you call an outfit you exercise in?

A sweat suit

(My mom told this to me not even 5 minutes ago; I think they're evolving)

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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need help with a pun! chorizo sandwich

a friend of mine owns a cafe and is starting to sell homemade Chorizo sandwiches, need a good pun to write on a sign at front of shop, thought I'd turn to the creative minds of r/puns for help! winner gets a month of gold go go go!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/duffmuff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
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I've told several Dad jokes in my time, even though Im not a dad.

I guess you could call me a faux pa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mike_the_hun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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With these posts about fish scales, I thought I'd mention how this fish scales trees
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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If only humans had...

My SO got me tonight as follows:

Me: We have too much to carry. If only people had evolved four arms. Wouldn't that be cool?

Her (with shit-eating grin): We do have forearms...

She then proceeds to display her arm to me Vanna-White-style.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jessegammons
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2016
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At dinner...

Sitting around the table in a local restaurant the other night, I finally evolved to my final form.

My daughter, 5, kept dropping her garlic rolls on the floor and was getting really upset. I asked her if she was on fire, and the look from my wife told me that she knew what was coming. My two teenaged sons looked at me with the faces that I've seen a thousand times, yet never get tired of seeing.

"Sweetheart, are you on fire?"
"No, daddy."
"Well, I thought you were, because you can't stop drop'n rolls."

I got all rewards from this one. Groans, eye rolls, and of course I cracked myself up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chefriley76
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
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Got my Daughter with this...

She was playing a facebook game that involves evolving and leveling up dragons and complained that she wasn't getting a good score.

Me: "Maybe you need to train your dragon..." Daughter: "How do I Train my dragons?" Me: "There's a movie all about it on Netflix" Daughter: <....Disgusted>

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmmccann
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
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Pokemon GOes Dad Joke

Daughter to my son: "What do you get when you evolve a Mankey?"

Me: "An old-mankey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nub98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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Pulled this one at brunch today.

A couple friends and I were eating and had been talking about the history of ethnic cleansing in Bosnia.

Friend: Wow, were actually having a real grown-up conversation.

The conversation progressed on and eventually evolved into an inappropriate discussion on our pooping schedules.

Friend: So much for our adult conversation.

Me: Ya it totally went down the toilet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/intelligentleman2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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My sister got mad afterwards

Have you heard the newly evolved form of Ebola? It's much more dangerous. . . It's called Eplata

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πŸ‘€︎ u/totallynotcake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremywarne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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How were people born?

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alternatingcn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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