If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore
Archaeologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia
It's going to be quite the shindig
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your house calmly.
Because communication is the key.
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? No?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Never ever spell part backwards,
Hi there, I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to ever walk on the moon..
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
I've always liked every audio engineer I've ever met
I just killed the biggest mouse I’ve ever seen.
And got a lifetime ban from Disneyland.
Did you ever wonder why Peter Pan is always flying?
It’s because he can never never land
Did you ever hear the story of about the gymnast who got a concussion?
A woman walks into a bar.
Why don't celebrities ever complain about being hot?
What's the most important invention humanity has ever created?
Ventitian blinds, otherwise it'd be curtains for us all
If you're ever attacked by a horde of clowns...
Why don't cannibals ever cook noodles?
Greatest name of a race horse ever
Hoof Hearted
Look it up. I can’t post the link but you’ll love it
Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?
Have you ever experienced Déjà vu?
What has 2 hands, a face and is only ever right twice a day?
What do you call the first Australian native to ever have a six pack
Ever since I have started working from home...
I don’t understand why my wife thinks that my home office space is just a place where people can be served meals.
She just says, “This room is a mess!!”
Have you ever noticed that people get SUPER offended if they have to tell them they have to wait their turn for Vietnamese food?
I mean, pho queue, people.
My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten.
reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
What's the most suspicious animal ever?
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
Ever since I got my lung removed...
....I've cut my smoking in half.
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
Have y'all ever heard about the Spanish dog who could bark the word yes?
If you ever miss 420, theres always 422
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
Exactly. Because they're damn good at it!
Why couldn't Sam ever get along with his Father's sister, Ithesis?
Have you ever tried to prepared bread?
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
"Did I ever tell you the time I couldn't walk for a year?"
Dad joke question: has any rap song ever ended with “that’s a wrap!” Or “time to wrap it up”?
I would like to know this song.
Ever since my grandpa joined that bobsledding team
He’s been going downhill really fast
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
Ever heard of the god with low self-esteem?
Have you ever considered Microsoft...
I've had the most emotional cake day ever
I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You don’t know what you’re missing
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