Euclidean Group Puns

https://hgsounds.com/product/fractionate-for-kontakt-6/ Fractionate

https://hgsounds.com/product/serenity-group-buy/ Group Buy

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The first one is going to be longer than 2 mins, after you know what to do its right at 2 mins.

almost perfect TO

Basically a theorem that says “all but some number of cases” satisfies the theorem

Hello, and welcome! This is a D100 for terrible workplace conditions of a company office. A more "Corporate" environment. There are no restrictions to this list in terms of setting. Allow your creative minds to go wild.

1. Promotions are done via Blood Sport
2. Not meeting the weekly sales quota results in ( Death | Curses | Torture )
3. Work hours vary from extreme to miniscule.
4. Workers are forced to live in designated living spaces provided by the company. Workers are monitored heavily.
5. Workers are restricted to uniforms that hide their identities.
6. Heating and cooling devices break regularly on the worst days.
7. The office is infested with pests such as ( Roaches | Flies | Rats | Etc. )
8. The company is a social experiment meant to break / test it's employees.
9. The company is an experiment that tests the killing potential of ( Zombies | Demons | Malicious Spirits | Monsters | Aliens | Etc )
10. Employees are monitored CLOSELY by guards, cameras, and other devices.
11. Upper management ignores and even endorses workplace violations such as ( Hazards | Harassment | Sexual Harassment | Wage discrepancies | Etc )
12. Workers are expected to come and do some free labor at times.
13. Entitled customers are given permission to stab workers who don't completely satisfy them with Brand Name daggers, available for purchase at the front ( By Turbocool02 )
14. Designated meal breaks are provided by the bite of food/sip of drink, not a certain amount of breaktime ( By Turbocool02 )
15. Similar to a pyramid scheme, if a worker doesn't recruit a certain number of new employees per year, they are docked pay. ( By Turbocool02 )
16. If a worker is *too* good of a worker, their brain is harvested and bonded to a larger hivemind to create the perfect worker ( By Turbocool02 )
17. There is a "quarantine bay" of work, where all sick workers are placed so they can stay productive, regardless of sickness. It is not the cleanest, and the mixture of sickness causes people to get worse in there. ( By Turbocool02 )
18. Intensely hot work environment, but things like lotion and chapstick is strictly banned ( By Turbocool02 )
19. Workplace provided meals are the ONLY thing allowed to be eaten on breaks. It mu

That's how long it takes (on average) for students to get out.

Being a magical castle, it's as big inside as it needs to be, with infinitely long corridors, arbitrary numbers of rooms, all sorts of non-euclidean geometries. Students who attend invariably become lost in the maze of twisty little pages, all alike. As they seek to find a way out, they learn from books, parchments, random monster encounters, other people, etc. The professors aren't really teachers, they're explorers who give lessons to students they encounter along the way. The house elves make sure the students don't starve, but refuse to lead the students out of the castle. Sometimes students will meet up with others their own age and form groups, others choose to go it alone.

When the castle deems a student ready, that's when it guides then to the Great Hall. Once there, they are tested with OWLs and NEWTs to see what they have learned.

Not sure how the sorting meshes with this idea though. Or Voldemort for that matter.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

The game lit battle royale where everyone is a demon except for the main character (and a crazy demon hunter).

 

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“Alright, does anyone have a map?” I asked.

The four demons stared at me with blank expressions, remaining silent. That was unfortunate. I’d intentionally asked the question to bait Toll into ousting one of the other demons. However, the balaam was choosing not to reveal this information.

Well, if Toll had thought to hide it from me they were greatly mistaken. If nobody had a map, the obvious choice was to say no. That way, Toll would get a question and provide me with nothing of value. It was a deal with no downsides and there was little incentive to hide that fact. On the other hand, if Toll had answered yes, they would be revealing information that was important to the group, potentially putting them at odds with that group member or just outright revealing information that they did not want revealed. Hence, if somebody had a map, the best thing Toll could do was say nothing. Which is what they did.

I rested my foot up on a fallen tree in the middle of a clearing. If I wasn’t mistaken, a fight had taken place here earlier between other demons and digressers, given that a bunch of trees, with their leaves still intact, lay sideways across the area. Or it could have been Silica’s doing. Nothing was certain anymore and that pissed me off.

“Listen,” I sighed. “By staying silent, you’ve all practically told me that someone here has a map. Who has it?”

The demons all glanced at each other. Just as Toll opened their mouth to speak, Enzi’s hand shot up and a smile split her face. Toll’s beak snapped shut. They gained little to nothing from answering a question that someone already knew the answer to.

I held out a hand, asking for the map.

The corners of Enzi’s eyes crinkled as she pulled a thick, rolled-up parchment from her inventory. She stepped forward and held out the map, but before I could swipe it from her grip, she yanked it away and snuggled it between her breasts.

“Asking a woman to reveal her secrets is so un-gentlemanly,” she gas

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

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"A Terran. What, you've never seen one before?" - Unknown Trooper, 75th Rangers, Direct Action Team Lima Niner Eight Actual, Confederacy/Council Conflict

Roca's mind was running on several different tracks. Unlike the unmodified and unlike before she had gotten some mods back when she was a bounty hunter, she could keep track of more than one train of thought without any degradation of intellectual abilities.

She was tracking the city, her senses creating a map based on light and shadow, reflections, sound dopplering, street signs, and sight, slowly building a map and sharing it with the other members of 235 with her.

There were six others with her, she was highest ranking and so was tracking their vitals, armor levels, energy levels, backup mass, nanite containment level, and much more. She paid particular attention to Corporal Jack Regina Mbutu, who was running two degrees hotter than normal due to sweat glands not producing enough biocoolant.

Part of her mind was sorting through the "Black Fleet Codex", noting that it had armor and weaponry reconfiguration for her chassis class. She saw the "priority update" for the dorsolateral prefrontal right cortex (time perception control) and the neural wiring for how the body and mind interacted with time, including the section of the brain that handled precognition prediction as well as other temporal issues. Roca's thought train passed it to a newly opened thought chain, handing it off to the ones following her as well as pushing it through the screaming and dying echoing in her mind to the rest of the members of 12th Army still functioning.

Another part she was admiring the architecture of the little lizard people.

Her eyes were highlighting infrastructure, vehicles, building entrances and access points, showing the distance between two important points. Vehicles were being scanned and broken down according to the systems that were fully online and unlocked. Her statuses streamed by on the right and left of her vision, past her peripheral vision, added via optic nerve link to an area past her eye's abilities. She knew how much ground pressure she was exerting, how much ground pressure the pavement could take, and

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

I'm reviewing coordinate transforms in my classical mechanics book (Marion Thornton) and it proves them for 2D and extends them to 3d for the general purpose. I don't see any logical reason why it shouldn't also extend to 4d and they're just limiting the general case because of the scope as a classical physics text. Is there any high dimensional weirdness I'm overlooking or are coordinate transforms generally applicable to n-dimensional spaces?

Specifically the equations I'm looking at are rotations with direction cosines x'i = (the sum over j from 1 to 3) lambda{ij}*x_j, for i=1,2,3 and it's inverse

Edit: reddit markup language is tripping me up on my phone apologies for the weird formatting where the italics start and end are supposed to be underscores but I can't figure out the escape characters my bad 😞

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Hi all, I have a big binary matrix and I'd like to find regions where columns are the same for certain rows (only for those rows). How can I find all the submatrices where this happens with an efficient algorithm? Any suggestions?

And now I’m cannelloni

Well, this came later than I thought. For those who haven’t seen the earlier posts: hi, I do a thing where I read some short story collections and post thoughts on each story in them. I think it’s a fun exercise. Some other folks here on horrorlit seem to enjoy reading them. This one is coming later than expected because between sickness and returning to college, I got behind on my personal reading. Whoops. Anyways. Short stories!

Houses Under the Sea by Caitlín R. Kiernan

Caitlín R. Kiernan is an author with a massive bibliography that spans decades, so while I’ve read a couple of their collections, I’m fully aware that it’s practically nothing compared to the monolith that is their entire writing career. What I have read, I’ve really enjoyed. If you’re not familiar with their works, Kiernan writes genre fiction (sci-fi and fantasy too, not exclusively horror) with a really uniquely poetic style. Houses Under the Sea is a goddamn huge collection of their Cthulhu Mythos short stories written over the years. It’s got 30 stories, and the (sadly out of print) physical copy is close to 500 pages. I’m eager to dig into it. (As a side note: while I enjoy the Mythos, I’m not an expert in every single one of Lovecraft’s works, so if I miss any references, feel free to point them out and/or castigate me in the comments.)

• “Valentia (1994)” – A paleontologist gets word that a colleague of hers died under mysterious circumstances during a dig in Ireland, and when she tries to piece together what exactly it was that he discovered, things start to get strange. A quiet story that keeps the Mythos elements in the background, and a good start to the collection. (As a side note, Kiernan is actually a paleontologist who’s written a whole lot on prehistoric ocean life, so I will not be surprised if ancient sea creatures of the more earthly kind show up alongside Cthulhu and the gang throughout the book.)

• “So Runs the World Away” – The story of a young undead girl who spends time among communities of traditional vampires and Lovecraft’s canine ghouls in modern-day New England. It’s a pretty relaxed story that’s content to just let you follow a character through two different types of undead groups, with the vampires being the rich aristocratic sort and the ghouls being something like a more gore-soaked version of the vampire gang from The Lost Boys. It’s a chill story with some really great atmosphere that shows off Kiernan’s goth-ier writing tendencies.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

Get them while you can. Good TO.

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