Enhancements Puns

I'm going to have an abacus installed on the top of my head so I can be a guy people can really count on!

..are they real, or just another phallusy?

I wore a blindfold.

.............. But it won't let your dipped biscuit 'Go Soft'

He went downhill real fast.

Because InterpolAsian

I've been reading up.

Time flies when you're having fun.

This joke holds a special place in my heart. My grandpa told me it and I never forgot it. About 2 years later when I brought it up to him, he didn't remember it. So I told him the joke and he peed himself laughing ... At his own joke.

"Why did the man ask for his eggs Benedict to be served on a hubcap?"

"Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"

It’s sodium good

…for use of performance enhancing rugs…

They are both fairly dumb compared to the ultimately attainable intelligence of a biological organism given the use of cognitive enhancement utilizing vast computational resources.

(Yea that’s the joke, this is my first day on the job and I’m trying to impress the boss.) what am I saying

I discovered that I can buy a piece of musical equipment that will enhance my playing, so I went to buy one.

Me: I didn't realize that these existed until two days ago.

Clerk: Oh no, they still exist today.

Dad: Everyone knows Al Gore invented the internet, but did you know he also discovered internet rhythms that enhance searches? Son: No. Dad: Yep, they're called Al Gore Rhythms.

"Weird, I have 4G"

When I was about 5/6 I was filling out one of those "FunFax" books (Image for reference).

I started filling out the page about me and I got to the section on allergies. Unaware that I had any, I asked my dad "Do I have any allergies?"

My Dad replied "Yeah, soap"

Obviously at the age of 5/6 I didn't realise he was joking, we found the book a few years later to find I actually wrote "Soap" down.

I said Laxatives? You mean Pooformance Enhancing Drugs?

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-11/enhanced/webdr05/19/15/enhanced-buzz-11118-1384891457-13.jpg