Time to show some emotions
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tony_zheng
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a new soft drink called Emotions

But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds...

...they will be subma-weiners.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

I present you, the grief-case

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter's wedding was very emotional for everyone.

Even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 364
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPantaleon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call conjoined twins that have emotionally bonded?

Close.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fried_cereal69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
As I expected, my therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Emotional island
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/starswirls_planet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
This would leave me feeling emotionally tired
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/halfs2010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.

I'm going vegan today.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one emotional taco say to the other emotional taco

Can we just TACO bout it?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangyougotme
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year.

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 505
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The most emotional part of my wedding wasn't the vows or the speeches - it was getting cake smashed in my face.

Really brought a tier to my eye.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Is what they say your a plant with emotions
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jokesniff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My opinion on lifts...

They have their ups and downs

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I had some serious emotional distress while going to the bathroom the other day.

It was some heavy shit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/totally80s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œOfficer, are you crying while writing me a ticket?”

Cop: it’s a .....moving violation.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?

I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_just_quin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Doors have emotions too...
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Portrait of A Young Dad as an Artist [OC]

In the Alpine mountains of Switzerland, a young carpenter has just learned that his wife is with child.

Looking for advice, he consults his own father, to better prepare for fatherhood. The old man tells him, ''You should build something to await the arrival of the child. Something which will have your purest thoughts, your kindest emotions encapsulated within, to gift to the child when it is born. ''

On the way atop the mountains, the young man gets an idea forming within his head, whilst walking past a field with horses about. He will build a small wooden race horse on wheels, for the child to ride around in.

He spends hours, tirelessly carving, polishing, measuring, until nine months later, the child is born. The man's life is suddenly filled with intense joy, and he forgets about his gift for a little while. That is, until his son begins to take his first steps, and his balance becomes more assured. The carpenter decides to take the wooden horse out of his workshop, and gift it to his son. The son, is instantly magnetized by the toy, and instinctively learns how to ride it forth, and about the house.

With time, the child grows up strong, smarter every day. With age, he began neglecting the wooden horse, and soon, his mother had tucked it away, as a keepsake into the attic of the house.
A few decades pass, and the child has become a man. He followed up in his father's footsteps, in some ways, and in others he varied. He went on to study the Arts in Zurich, but still chose to work with wood, like his father did.

His sculptures became famous, as he managed to catalyze the aesthetic, literary and artistic movements of the time. His first exposition came, and he stood there, proud, in this artistic intelligentsia coffee house, surrounded by cigar smoke, thinking of his dad, who had since passed.

Suddenly, a man sporting a cigarette perched atop fine lips, approached him, and asked inquisitively in Swiss German, but with an undeniably thick French accent.

''Are you an artist?''

''Non, but my Dada ist.''

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A friends Dad said her Mom isn't doing well...

Her said called her and said Mom isn't doing well. She got all worried and started getting emotional so she called her Grandmother to ask what was going on. She found out that Doctors are telling her one of her ovaries seems missing and they don't know where it is. She seemed relieved to find this out as it wasn't as serious as her dad made it out to be but was still concerned.

I told her that her dad had an ovaryaction.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qik1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a crap in days.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Emotional baggage
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lijmper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever I see a girl I like with another man I feel prisoner to my emotions and spend a night in jailousy
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItBeLikeThatm8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wanted to go cliff diving but he had to take his emotional support device for unclogging using suction...

So he took the plunger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my suitcases we weren’t going on vacation

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hfoste1380
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Emotion
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jus4Laffs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Weddings are so emotional

Even the cake’s in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0LORD-VADER0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
It was an emotional wedding...
πŸ‘︎ 737
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattjb1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I just went to an emotional wedding.

Even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fujfuj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Just went to an emotional wedding

Even the cake was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me that I have serious trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a very emotional wedding yesterday...

...even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sagbon98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sad today, I lost my favorite spanner.

It's a massive emotional wrench.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kalle_022
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Cake day

Cake day is such an emotional day. I am in tiers...

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Koru-racing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Did you know that you have a serious problem vocalizing your emotions?

Man: Can’t say that I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad told me his wedding was very emotional

Even the cake was in tiers!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_The_Mattmatician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a very emotional ceremony

Even the cake was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bicatlantis7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a really emotional wedding the other day

Even the cake was in tiers.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke up with a woman who loved her job at the suitcase factory.

I didn't want her emotional baggage.

Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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