Simple but effective pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peptobizmul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain

Due to all the indoor fins

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jp_mclovin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Why was the German Blitzkrieg in WW2 so effective?

Because their enemies did NAZI it coming

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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Do you know who is an expert on the Dunning-Kruger effect?

Me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What sickness effects pasta?

Maca-rona

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zomboy_5097
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Story: Lasting after effect of COVID-19

True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.

Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and I’m the dental director for a public health agency.

My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on people’s health.

Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasn’t been right since I had Covid.

Me: Well of course not.

Wife: Why? What have you heard?

Me: Well your left ear can’t feel right. It’s your left ear.

Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Divinepyramid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.

They call it mourning wood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I want to tell a vaccine joke

But some won't get it

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimsonangel68
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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100% effective method to not go to jail
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapaPump6969
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.

My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Effects of Corona
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I was watching my son play a Zelda game and I told him it's more effective to lose your health during the summer and winter seasons. He looked at me all confused and asked why? I told him it's because...

that way you won't take any fall damage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What’s the most effective way to write a murder mystery?

Bullet points

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My vaccine dad joke failed

But it was worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balogny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
When you finish all the ranch on your salad, you’ve effectively undressed the salad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsnufflewuffle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...

It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно ΠΈ я Π΄ΡƒΠΌΠ°ΡŽ, Ρ‡Ρ‚ΠΎ Π²Ρ‹Ρ‚Π°Ρ‰ΠΈΠ» ослиныС ΡƒΡˆΠΈ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Got a pay rise of $1000 today, effective immediately.

What a grand start to the weekend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I still experience long-lasting psychological effects from having a childhood friend that took offense at everything I did.

My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctors say some effects of COVID-19 may follow patients for life.

You could say it's a choronic disease.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kngfbng
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?

Because they go β€œpew pew pew”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?

The dot "."

It has ended more sentences than anything else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimadark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol

Its bird-gin-ing research.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelaab
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_YOUR_BLOOMERS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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When people ask about my heritage, I tell them there is an unfortunate side effect of my mother being Italian and my father being Polish ....

I’ll make you an offer I can’t understand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLukas71
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β€œ8 mile”

Because you only get one shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_cptan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Studies have shown that sheepskin face masks are incredibly effective...

They keep the baahhhhhd germs out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessmacdee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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What is the most effective way to quit being vegan?

Cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WJ_Stedback
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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Nice perfumeance!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitchyOlive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Ambushed
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I have a weird side-effect from Covid; it makes me want to grope an ethnic Belgian dwarf...

...I'm feeling a little Flemish.Β Β  cough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I had this massive piece of steak on the barbecue last night. As it was cooking, the smell of the juices made my mouth salivate.

I had a thought. I wondered if vegetarians had the same effect, while mowing their lawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Did you hear about the crow where everytime it makes a noise sornething big happens?

It has a caws and effect relationship

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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We know the effects of second hand smoke are terrible.

Does anyone have peer reviewed studies on the effects of minute hand smoke?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Millenial
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Scientist studying the effect of cannabis on seabirds, have left no tern unstoned.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

(Apparently you get deleted by a bot for having the punchline in the title, forcing me to spoil the joke by including some text rather than leaving this blank as it should be to get the full effect.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry

While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

This is thanks to their no tears formula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...

I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Scientists are studying the effect of drugs on various seabirds.

They're leaving no tern unstoned.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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β€ͺWhat’s the most effective marketing strategy to sell audio books?‬

Word of mouth‬

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramzert
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain

Due to all the indoor fins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain because...

...of the indoor fins...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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