What happens when you see a dog walking backwards?

You see god

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimgamertv
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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On the way to work I saw a man walking his dogs...

At first he took one step and then stopped. Then he took three steps and then stopped. He kept increasing his steps this way along the sidewalk when I thought to myself, β€œThat’s an odd way of walking.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeshSV
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
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I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit

A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:

Deja poo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Scribbler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I was out walking the dogs today, and a friend asked me if they were Jack Russells ?

Nah...they're mine, I said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Two dogs were walking down an empty highway. One of them stopped and defecated in the middle of the road.

When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, β€œClean up that mess.”

The other dog sniffed the pile and said, β€œNope. That’s your asphalt!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Two hot dogs are walking down the street

One suddenly turns to the other and says

"Mike! Your wiener is showing!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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While I was walking the dog, our 4 yo was harassing my wife for a treat. She texted β€œShe’s trying to get a popsicle out of me.”

I responded β€œBut you’re not a freezer.”

I could feel the eye roll down the street.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/976chip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. β€œHow do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. β€œI know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. β€œWhat do you mean you pissed in his ear??”

β€˜I went up to him and went β€œPssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Commment
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Yelled down the street to my daughter while she was walking my FIL's little chihuahua: "Hey did you get that dog on sale??"

It certainly looks like you got it half off!!

I could hear the groan all the way up the street..success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malbert215
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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A man is walking his dogs and another guy asks β€œexcuse me are they Jack Russels?”

The owner quickly replies, β€œNo, they’re mine!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I saw a women walking her dog.

A puppy, I thought. I said to her, how old? She said, 11 actually. I said, by God! You look at least 50!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy_Bayou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life

"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?" "Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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I've been walking the dog recently and I've already lost 60lbs!

I can't find the dog anywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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I was walking my dog in the park when this young woman came over to me and said, "What a beautiful dog! Is it purebred?"

I told her, "No, it's pure dog."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I was walking my dog this morning when I saw a rock help an old lady cross the street

What a gneiss guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skelly46
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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My daughter said, "I saw a dog walking home from school."

I replied, "Which school does the dog go to?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inxta
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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My dad and I were walking down the street when we passed a man walking 4 dogs.

He turned to me and said, β€œWhoa! How blind was that guy?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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My girlfriend and I were walking around on Halloween when we saw a dog dressed as a wizard from harry potter, without missing a beat I leaned over and said:

I wonder if that wizard practices Bark Magic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stephenlucky7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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Got my wife while walking the dogs.

We were out on a stroll with our dogs when we came up to a railroad crossing:

Me: kneeling down examining the ground "A train must have come through here..."

Wife:"How can you tell?"

Me:smirking "It left its tracks right here!"

Wife:continues walking, leaving me behind

Edit:Grammar, guh...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinBritches
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
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β€ͺHow did the person who just went around the world and the person walking the dog greet each other?‬

β€œYo.” β€œYo.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domthehuman1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Did you hear about the dog walking service for Christians?

It was called Canine Able.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilberfarce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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This joke came to me walking the dog near a pond... What do you call 2 contradictory waterfowl?

A pairaducks.

HA ha hee! ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rchase
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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A man sees a stranger grudgingly walking a dog.

The man asks, β€œWhat kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?” He replies, β€œNeither. He’s an upsetter and a disappointer.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasj041
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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I started walking my dog everyday...

she has a new leash on life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Walking with my friend and her two dogs when they both decide to poop.

She said "I guess they're pooping in solidarity," to which I replied "better that then liquidarity."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zacrilege
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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Was walking the dog this morning.

I figured out that our heeler is part alien, because he leaves crap circles instead of crop circles.

(he gets so excited on walks that he doesn't "squat still", instead going in a circle)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jehannum_505
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
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Comes in from walking the dog...

Mom, addressing the dog: "Did you poop?" Dad: "He didn't but I dropped one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/agoyalwm
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
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Was walking my dogs the other day and some man asked me, β€œare those Jack Russells?”

I said, β€œNo, they’re mine”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ur-da
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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I was out walking the dogs this morning and someone asked me if they were jack Russels

And I said β€œNo they’re mine”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Was out walking the dogs and someone asked me if they were Jack Russels

Nah, they're mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natteulven
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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