What happens when you see a dog walking backwards?
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︎ Jan 26 2021
On the way to work I saw a man walking his dogs...
At first he took one step and then stopped. Then he took three steps and then stopped. He kept increasing his steps this way along the sidewalk when I thought to myself, βThatβs an odd way of walking.β
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog shit on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one:
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I was out walking the dogs today, and a friend asked me if they were Jack Russells ?
Nah...they're mine, I said.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Two dogs were walking down an empty highway. One of them stopped and defecated in the middle of the road.
When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, βClean up that mess.β
The other dog sniffed the pile and said, βNope. Thatβs your asphalt!β
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Two hot dogs are walking down the street
One suddenly turns to the other and says
"Mike! Your wiener is showing!"
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︎ Aug 22 2020
While I was walking the dog, our 4 yo was harassing my wife for a treat. She texted βSheβs trying to get a popsicle out of me.β
I responded βBut youβre not a freezer.β
I could feel the eye roll down the street.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. βHow do you know if the dog was dead?β She asked the boy. βI know because I pissed in his ear.β The teacher looked horrified. βWhat do you mean you pissed in his ear??β
βI went up to him and went βPssstt!β in his ear and he didnβt move.β
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Yelled down the street to my daughter while she was walking my FIL's little chihuahua: "Hey did you get that dog on sale??"
It certainly looks like you got it half off!!
I could hear the groan all the way up the street..success!
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︎ Apr 15 2020
A man is walking his dogs and another guy asks βexcuse me are they Jack Russels?β
The owner quickly replies, βNo, theyβre mine!β
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︎ Feb 16 2020
I saw a women walking her dog.
A puppy, I thought. I said to her, how old? She said, 11 actually. I said, by God! You look at least 50!
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︎ Feb 26 2020
I was once walking my dog along a promenade during a storm. I got chatting to a German tourist. While we were talking, my dog decided to go for a swim. It was clear he was struggling then he got dragged under. The German dived in, pulled him out and did cpr. The dog coughed then came back to life
"That's amazing" I said "how did you know to do that? Are you a vet?"
"Vet?" He asked. 'of corse I'm vet. I was in zee sea"
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︎ Jan 28 2020
I've been walking the dog recently and I've already lost 60lbs!
I can't find the dog anywhere.
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︎ Oct 02 2019
I was walking my dog in the park when this young woman came over to me and said, "What a beautiful dog! Is it purebred?"
I told her, "No, it's pure dog."
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︎ Jul 02 2019
I was walking my dog this morning when I saw a rock help an old lady cross the street
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︎ Jun 15 2019
My daughter said, "I saw a dog walking home from school."
I replied, "Which school does the dog go to?"
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︎ May 16 2019
My dad and I were walking down the street when we passed a man walking 4 dogs.
He turned to me and said, βWhoa! How blind was that guy?β
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︎ Jun 30 2018
My girlfriend and I were walking around on Halloween when we saw a dog dressed as a wizard from harry potter, without missing a beat I leaned over and said:
I wonder if that wizard practices Bark Magic.
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︎ Nov 13 2017
βͺHow did the person who just went around the world and the person walking the dog greet each other?β¬
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︎ Dec 13 2017
Got my wife while walking the dogs.
We were out on a stroll with our dogs when we came up to a railroad crossing:
Me: kneeling down examining the ground
"A train must have come through here..."
Wife:"How can you tell?"
Me:smirking
"It left its tracks right here!"
Wife:continues walking, leaving me behind
Edit:Grammar, guh...
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︎ Nov 23 2014
Did you hear about the dog walking service for Christians?
It was called Canine Able.
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︎ Dec 04 2016
A man sees a stranger grudgingly walking a dog.
The man asks, βWhat kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?β He replies, βNeither. Heβs an upsetter and a disappointer.β
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︎ Jan 15 2018
This joke came to me walking the dog near a pond... What do you call 2 contradictory waterfowl?
A pairaducks.
HA ha hee! ;)
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︎ Sep 27 2016
I started walking my dog everyday...
she has a new leash on life.
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︎ Jun 21 2017
Walking with my friend and her two dogs when they both decide to poop.
She said "I guess they're pooping in solidarity," to which I replied "better that then liquidarity."
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︎ Apr 07 2017
Was walking the dog this morning.
I figured out that our heeler is part alien, because he leaves crap circles instead of crop circles.
(he gets so excited on walks that he doesn't "squat still", instead going in a circle)
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︎ Jun 06 2016
Comes in from walking the dog...
Mom, addressing the dog: "Did you poop?"
Dad: "He didn't but I dropped one."
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︎ Sep 01 2013
Was walking my dogs the other day and some man asked me, βare those Jack Russells?β
I said, βNo, theyβre mineβ
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︎ Nov 07 2019
I was out walking the dogs this morning and someone asked me if they were jack Russels
And I said βNo theyβre mineβ
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︎ Mar 11 2018
Was out walking the dogs and someone asked me if they were Jack Russels
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︎ Oct 22 2016
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